The Witch of Washu
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: Sasami and Ryo-ohki are transported to a far away land that is strangely familiar and meet colorful characters that that remind them of their loved ones.
1. Typhoon Season

_Galaxy 1001D presents: _

**The Witch of Washu**

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. This story is written solely for entertainment and is not intended to make a profit in any way._

_Dedicated to cyberimp6, whose numerous 'Wizard of Oz' references inspired this story._

_Based on "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_

_And "__The Wonderful Wizard of Oz__" created by L. Frank Baum_

_Chapter One: Typhoon Season_

"Hey guys, did you hear?" asked Tenchi Masaki, a mild mannered Japanese boy and the desire of his interstellar housemates. "We've got a typhoon heading this way!" He blinked as there was no response from the oddball alien girls who allegedly based their whole lives around hm. "Hey! Did you hear me?" the teenage Earthling repeated. "There's a typhoon on the way! It's a big one too! It might blow this house clear away!"

"Tenchi, you're overreacting," said Princess Ayeka, a teenage beauty from outer space who appeared completely human with the exception of having dark purple hair and blood red pupils in her eyes. "There's nothing to worry about, silly. You know that."

"Yeah," Ryoko chimed in. "Now shut up, will ya? We're trying to watch the movie!" Ryoko was an attractive woman with topaz yellow eyes, messy silvery cyan white hair and large flappy ears. She was also a notorious space pirate and an immature tomboy.

"Some… where… over the rainbow… way… up…high…" the preadolescent Princess Sasami sang as a black and white Judy Garland did the same from the family's television set. Ayeka's little sister had skyblue hair, bubblegum pink eyes, and freckles across the bridge of her nose.

"Mew-mew-mew-mew-mew," Ryo-ohki, furry toddler with large lop rabbit ears sang along too.

"Why… oh… why can't I…?" the blonde and blue-eyed Mihoshi continued, forming a chorus with the others and the television.

"You aren't taking this seriously!" Tenchi insisted. "Don't you guys have typhoons where you come from? Or hurricanes?"

"Pipe down, Tenchi!" Ryoko made a shooing motion with her arm. "I have to see if Dorothy's dog gets taken away!"

"I don't see what you're so worried about Tenchi," Ayeka shrugged noncommittally. "You know the force field that Washu built will protect us."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Tenchi announced while trying to maintain his self-control. "Washu has shut down the force field! It was interfering with her latest experiment!"

"What?" Ayeka squeaked. "But that means we're exposed to the elements! Anything could happen to us!"

"That's right!" Tenchi nodded. "I need some help getting the storm shutters up in time! That typhoon should be right on top of us!"

"Wait a minute," Ryoko said. "Why don't you just ask Washu to put the field back up?"

"I can't get in there," Tenchi whined, "the door is locked! Come on girls, we've got to batten down the hatches!"

"Alright, I'll help," Ryoko sighed, "but as the daughter of the great Washu Hakubi, it _is_ beneath me."

"What are you talking about?" Ayeka snarled. "_I'm_ the first princess of Jurai! Since when have you done an honest day's work in your life? You're a common criminal!"

"Hey!" Ryoko protested. "There's nothing common about my being a criminal! I used to be the most feared pirate of the spaceways you know!"

"I don't see what is so romantic about an interstellar highwayman!" Ayeka sniffed. "You are just a common robber, nothing more!"

"Can't this wait?" Tenchi snapped. "The house is going to get blown away; there's no time for this now!"

"Just tell the witch to shut her hole!" Ryoko cried.

"How dare you call me a 'witch'!" Ayeka protested. "Where do you get off calling me a 'witch' anyhow?"

"I calls 'em like I sees 'em, witchy," Ryoko smirked.

"I don't believe you two!" Tenchi shouted. "What is wrong with you guys? Were you dropped on your heads when you were little or what?"

"It's your fault," Ryoko insisted childishly.

"Yes, it _is_ your fault Tenchi," Ayeka scolded. "You are just like your grandfather, stringing us along and never making a choice about who you want to marry! Sometimes I think you don't have any heart at all!"

"Yeah, are all Juraian males so heartless?" Ryoko added.

"There is a _typhoon_!" Tenchi shouted. "It is coming this way and will _level_ the place! If we can't get Washu's attention we should all hide in Mihoshi's shuttle in meantime! We should be safe in hyperspace, or wherever she keeps it!"

Another beautiful young woman with short green hair entered the room. "Hey everyone, have you been listening to the news?" she asked them. "There's a major typhoon heading this way!"

"Noike!" Mihoshi smiled. "So _that's_ what continuity this is! This is _Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki!_ I _did _wonder!"

"Yeah, what a pain in the neck," Ryoko nodded. "I can never keep track. At least _other_ franchises like _Star Trek_ don't have multiple continuities."

Almost two and a half centuries in the future, a 21-year-old James T. Kirk sat in the captain's chair. "It may be a bummer that the planet Vulcan was destroyed, but at least I now hold the record for youngest starship captain in the history of Starfleet!" he exclaimed with his blue eyes flashing. "Sweet!"

"Get back into character!" Ayeka scolded in the present day. "Honestly Mihoshi, do you have a brain in that empty head at all?"

"I think so," Mihoshi squirmed on the couch uncomfortably. "Doesn't everybody? No wait, in this continuity I'm smarter! That was a close one!"

"Look, we've got to evacuate the building until the typhoon passes!" Tenchi insisted. "If we can't get to Mihoshi's shuttle why don't we go the cave Ryoko was trapped in for seven centuries?"

"We know what continuity it is, quit it," Ryoko snapped.

"Why don't we just contact Washu?" Noike suggested.

"Because the door is locked!" Ayeka exclaimed as she tried the door. "Azaka!" she shouted out the window. "Run the stock footage from _Tenchi in Tokyo_! You know, the episode where I'm trying to break open the door to Washu's lab!"

"Why doesn't Mihoshi open the door for us?" Noike asked. "No matter what precautions Washu takes she always manages to get in somehow."

"Oh great. Trust 'Mary Sue' over there to make the rest of us look stupid," Ryoko grumbled.

"You don't need very much help do you?" Noike scowled dangerously.

"You're askin' for it, girlie!" Ryoko snarled.

"That's it!" Tenchi cried. "Mihoshi! Quick! Let us into Washu's lab!"

"What?" the blonde looked up from the television, "but I'll miss the _movie_!"

"Look it's gone into color!" Sasami gushed. "I'll bet this movie was made the year Earth invented color movies! I wonder what year this was made?"

"Get your blonde behind off that couch!" Ryoko said as she lifted Mihoshi up by her neck.

"Hey!" Mihoshi whined. "Let go! All right! Sheesh! It's not like it's that hard to get in you know…"

* * *

Soon Tenchi, Ayeka, Ryoko, Noike, and Mihoshi were in Washu's laboratory, a fantastic interdimensional space hidden behind the door under the stairs.

"What are you guys doing here?" the redheaded genius asked testily. "I locked that door for a reason!"

"There's a typhoon heading this way!" Tenchi informed her.

"Oh yeah, that…" Washu blushed and looked away. "Well, I can't be sure, but I think I might have something to do with that…"

"You?" Mihoshi scratched her head. "How could that be?"

"I've been working on a new invention, the dimension tuner," Washu explained. "But when I ran a computer simulation on what would happen if I told you there was a 76.8% chance you idiots would abuse it for your own gain can cast us all into different worlds."

"Maybe you should start from the beginning," Noike suggested.

"Okay, the dimension tuner was meant to alter time/space and probability in order to create a new dimension based on a certain criteria."

"And what does that mean in Juraian?" Ayeka asked.

"It can create an alternate world either based on the user's conscious parameters or their subconscious desires," the little genius continued.

"Wait a second," Ryoko held up her hand. "Does this mean that you created a machine that could allow you to play God?"

"That's right," Washu nodded. "You could create a world based on the _Twilight_ saga or your favorite segment of Juraian history for example. If you wanted that world could be populated by alternate versions of the rest of us who would take the appropriate roles in your dreamworld."

"Wait a second," Tenchi frowned. "Does this mean that you could create an entire universe? An alternate version of the world we know?"

"That explains all the different continuities," Mihoshi shrugged. "Washu must have been experimenting with that gadget for some time now."

"Quit breaking the fourth wall," Noike hissed.

"So the long and short of it is that you found a way to play God," Ayeka nodded. "So what does that have to do with the typhoon?"

"Well, when I realized that you idiots would fight over it and send us travelling through time and space through multiple worlds I decided to dismantle it," Washu admitted. "Unfortunately, I chose to take it apart with a large sledge hammer and when I hit it a bunch of blinky lights started flashing on it. Then the typhoon appeared. It's _probably_ a coincidence…"

"Washu!" gasped Ryoko. "Are you telling me you caused this disaster?"

"Hey, even if I did there's only a 38.6% chance the storm would hurl you into a world created by your own subconscious," the redhead assured her. "Most likely it will simply be an ordinary ship-sinking, city-devastating typhoon!"

"What!" Tenchi cried. "Call yourself a genius? What were you thinking?"

"Calm down," Washu said. "Your father and Reiko are on their honeymoon. Your grandfather's at the convention in Kyoto. The rest of us are perfectly safe in here. When the storm is over I'll just use my matter conversion technology to completely rebuild the Masaki Shrine the way it used to be. They'll never know the difference."

"I thought only Tenchi was capable of matter-conversion," Mihoshi muttered to herself. "Z was able to make lighthawk wings, but only Tenchi could convert matter to energy and back again."

"Only Tenchi could do that _without technology_," Washu corrected. "Geeze, Mihoshi, can you break the fourth wall any _more_?"

"I don't know," the blonde sucked on her finger. "Can I?"

"Never ask a blonde a trick question," Ryoko groaned.

"Washu, what about the horrific loss of life?" Ayeka asked her.

"Don't worry about it," Washu said. "According to my projections, the worst damage will be right here. We'll just wait it out, then I'll rebuild the whole valley. Just make sure everyone's here and nobody go outside, okay?"

"Okay," Tenchi nodded. "All right, you all heard her. Everybody here?"

"We're here," the girls chorused.

"Wait a second," Ayeka looked around. "Where are Sasami and Ryo-ohki?"

"You're right!" Ryoko glanced left and right. "I don't see them anywhere!"

* * *

Back in the family room a little girl with skyblue hair and a furry toddler watched the television. "We're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz!" they sang.

* * *

"Sasami!" Ayeka shouted as tears tricked out of her crimson eyes. "Where is Sasami? Where did she go?"

"I thought they were with us," Noike said.

"But they're not!" Tenchi finished. "They must still be in the house!"

"Don't worry," Mihoshi giggled. "All we have to do go back out and get them." She pushed some buttons on the door's control pad. Washu had set up a complicated space age lock on her door this time. Sparks flew out of the control pad and smoke billowed out. "Oh no!" Mihoshi wailed. "What did I do? What did I do?"

"You broke my lock you idiot!" Washu snarled. "We're trapped in here now!"

"And Sasami is trapped outside!" Ayeka gasped. She pounded on the door with her fists. "Sasami! Sasami! Open the door and come inside! Please! The typhoon is almost here! Sasami!"

* * *

"He is, he is, he is, he is, if ever a whiz there was!" Sasami and the furry Ryo-ohki sang as they danced in front of the television. "If ever a wonderful whiz there was, because-because! Because-because-because-because-_because_…! Because of the wonderful things he does! La-la-la-la-la-la!"

* * *

"Sasami!" Tenchi said as he dialed a telephone in Washu's lab. "Answer the phone! Answer the telephone please!"

* * *

"Who could be calling us, Ryo-ohki?" Sasami said as the telephone rang.

"Meow?" the golden eyed toddler scratched behind her large rabbit ear.

Sasami went into the hall and picked up the phone, only to look outside and see a terrible storm heading straight for the house!

"Eek!" she screamed.

Ryo-ohki yowled and transformed into a tiny creature that appeared to be a cross between a kitten and a baby rabbit.

"AAAAH!" Sasami screamed as the typhoon ripped the Masaki house right off its foundations!

_Next: We're Not in Okayama Anymore_


	2. We're Not in Okayama Anymore

_Galaxy 1001D presents: _

**The Witch of Washu**

_Starring Sasami Masaki Jurai_

_Ryo-ohki_

_Aeka Masaki Jurai as Romio, the Wicked Witch of the West_

_Special Guest Star Tsunami as the Good Witch of the North_

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. This story is written solely for entertainment and is not intended to make a profit in any way._

_Based on "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_

_And "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" created by L. Frank Baum_

_Chapter Two: We're Not in Okayama Anymore…_

"Ugh," Sasami groaned as she picked herself off the floor. "What happened, Ryo-ohki?" What happened to the house?"

"Mew-mew-mew," Ryo-ohki said as she bounced over to her in animal form.

"Where is everybody else?" Sasami asked. "I hope everyone's all right!"

The child and her little friend searched the house, but there was no sign of Tenchi and the others. Finally they opened the door to look outside.

"I don't believe it!" Sasami cried. She glanced uncertainly at the little cabbit. "I don't think we're in Okayama anymore, Ryo-ohki."

Outside appeared was what appeared to be a European rural town. The buildings were scaled for people Sasami's size instead of full grown adults. The town's inhabitants were colorfully dressed and they all appeared to be children Sasami's age. They were clustered around the house staring at it as if it was an alien spaceship that had landed. Fear and awe were in their eyes.

"Uh… hello?" Sasami said nervously.

"Who is this girl?" An athletic boy with sandy brown hair asked. "Is she some kind of witch or something?"

"I don't know, Hitoro," replied a girl with emerald green hair, "but she isn't as pretty as me!" she said jealously.

"I don't know, Haida," said a boy with squinty eyes. "She looks pretty hot! Right Misao?"

"She killed Ramia!" A brunette girl with a blue ribbon in her hair cringed. "The Wicked Witch of the East! Is she going to be just as evil as the last one was? If she is, what are we going to do?"

A glowing sphere of blue appeared in the sky and floated down to the ground stopping in front of Sasami and the rabbit like Ryo-ohki. The sphere vanished to reveal a smiling young woman with skyblue hair and bubblegum pink eyes dressed in extravagant robes.

"Whoa she's hot!" said the boy with squinty eyes. "She's the hottest babe I've ever seen! Too bad she's wearing so much 'cause we can't see her bodacious body!"

"Shut up, Kenji!" the girl with the green hair snapped. "You're disgusting!"

"Why hello," the woman said in a gentle angelic voice. "How do you do? You've created quite a stir. What is your name, little girl?"

"My name is Sasami," the child replied. "What's going on?"

"Sasami, That's a cute name. Tell me, Sasami, are you a good witch or a bad witch?" the beautiful enchantress asked her.

"Why I'm not a witch at all!" Sasami exclaimed. "I'm just a little girl! Why would you think I'm a witch anyway?"

"Your house flew through the air and flattened Ramia, the Wicked Witch of the East," the radiant woman informed her.

"It did?" Sasami gasped in horror. "Oh no!"

Sure enough when Sasami turned to look behind her two feet were sticking out from under the house. They wore the brightest, glitteriest apple red shoes that Sasami had ever seen. "I'm… ungh! …okay…" said a weak female voice as the feet twitched. "A little help? Anyone?"

"Oh no!" Sasami squeaked. "What have I done?"

"You have freed the munchkins from Ramia's tyranny," the enchantress assured her. "They don't call her 'the Wicked Witch of the East' for nothing! Thanks to you the munchkins are now free."

"Tsunami?" the muffled voice spoke as the feet under the house wiggled. "Is that you? Can you give me some help here? I can't move…"

"Tsunami?" Sasami scratched her head. "Wait a minute. Why does that name sound so familiar?"

"I am Tsunami, the Good Witch of the North," Tsunami smiled.

"You're a witch?" Sasami protested. "But I thought all witches were supposed to be ugly!"

"Oh no," Tsunami smiled. "All good witches are beautiful, only evil witches are ugly."

"I suppose that makes sense—hey!" the child scowled. "What did you mean when you asked if I was a good or bad witch? Is there something wrong with the way I look?"

"Oh no! No! No!" Tsunami squeaked as she retreated to get some distance between herself and the irate little girl. "I didn't mean anything by it! I was just trying to get you to think about your future. Kind of a _Harry Potter_ sorting hat thing. Don't read too much into it!"

"All right," Sasami grunted as she frowned and crossed her arms. "Just where am I anyway? How do I get back home?"

"If that's your house, don't you technically live here?" Kenji asked.

"No!" Sasami whined. "How do I get back to my sister Ayeka? To Tenchi and the others? All my loved ones are back in Okayama!"

"Oh! That." Tsunami blushed. "Well, um, you can get back the same way you arrived can't you?"

"I don't even know _how_ I arrived," Sasami explained. "The last thing I remember was the house getting hit by a typhoon!"

"Well, my sister has some magical ruby slippers," Tsunami suggested. "All she has to do is click her heels and she can go wherever she wants. They only work if you're standing up though."

"Tsunami," the muffled voice from under the stairs threatened. "If you steal my shoes you are really in for it!"

"Here we go," Tsunami waved her hand and the ruby slippers disappeared from Ramia's feet. "There. How do they fit?"

Sasami looked down and lifted her skirt to see that she was wearing the magical ruby slippers! "Wow! Pretty good! I didn't even know I was wearing them! How do they work?"

"Just click your heels and say, 'there's no place like home'!" Tsunami gushed. "That's all there is to it!"

"Okay! Here we go!" Sasami grinned. "Come on Ryo-ohki!" she spread her arms and the little cabbit jumped into them. "Okay! Here goes! There's no place like home! There's no place like home!" she clicked her heels together with each sentence. "There's no place like home! Hey! Are these things working? I feel ridiculous!"

"You aren't saying it right!" Hitoro shouted his encouragement.

"Try dropping the rabbit thing!" the green-haired Haida called out. "Maybe you weigh too much!"

"Maybe Tsunami should put on a bathing suit!" Kenji shouted.

"How would that help?" Sasami protested.

"Don't know," the squinty eyed Kenji shrugged, "but I'd love to see her rack! Maybe it would help if you held your skirt over your head!"

"That's obscene coming from a boy your age!" Sasami shouted.

"What are you talking about?" Kenji asked. "I'm thirty-four."

"What?" Sasami blinked. "But you look like you're ten!"

"All the munchkins look like children," Tsunami explained. "My sister Ramia is intimidated by adults."

"Oh no you didn't!" Ramia's muffled voice protested from under the house. "Tsunami, you are _so_ paying for that!"

"The shoes didn't work," Sasami said sadly. "What do I do now?"

"I don't know," Tsunami frowned in concentration. "You aren't from an alien planet are you?"

"Yes, I'm from the planet Jurai," the child nodded.

"Well that would explain it," Tsunami smiled. "Ramia put an enchantment on them to keep aliens from stealing her shoes and traveling to other planets with them. If they got that far away she would never get them back."

"Give me back my shoes!" Ramia's muffled voice ordered.

"In the meantime we better think of another way to get you home," Tsunami put her finger to her lip as she thought about it. "I've got it! Why don't you ask the Witch of Washu? She's the most powerful witch in the land!"

"The Witch of Washu?" Sasami repeated. "Washu. Why does that name sound so familiar?"

"The Witch of Washu is the most powerful enchantress in all the land!" Tsunami nodded. "She has the power to get you home, I just know it!"

"She does?" Sasami was getting skeptical of this whole 'witch' thing. "How do you know she's so powerful?"

"That's easy, she told me," Tsunami smiled. "She wouldn't go around saying it if it wasn't true, would she?"

Sasami was so shocked at Tsunami's gullibility that her knees collapsed out from under her. Ryo-ohki protested as they hit the ground.

"Okay, where do I find her?" Sasami asked as she staggered to her feet.

"Follow the yellow brick road!" a chorus of munchkin voices informed her.

"Whoa! Spooky!" Sasami shivered as she hugged Ryo-ohki. "You guys creep me out!"

At that moment another witch soared into view. This one appeared more like a traditional witch for she was all in black and had a pointy hat with a large brim on her head. She was even riding a broom, flying through the air like a bird. Her skin was a dark, leafy green and her purple hair was bound in two floor-length ponytails. When she landed however, it was revealed that rather than being old and ugly she was young and beautiful.

"Aha!" the new witch shrieked with a high pitched voice that could shatter glass. "I knew it! Those ruby slippers are off Ramia's feet at last! Now I can finally seize them and end the curse!"

"That's what you think!" Ramia's voice called from under Tenchi's house. "Alakazam! Wing wong wham!" As Ramia spoke, the ruby slippers on Sasami's feet briefly sparkled with a strange radiance. "You'll never get them, sister!"

"Sez you!" the green-skinned young witch shrieked. "Once I get those slippers, I'll be free of the curse and people will stop calling me 'the Wicked Witch of the West'! Now where are they? Who's got 'em? I'm warning you! If I don't see those ruby slippers in my hands in two minutes I'll level this place!" The purple haired witch scanned the crowd with her crimson eyes.

"Hello, dear sister," Tsunami smiled.

"Don't you 'dear sister' me!" the witch's ruby red eyes glowered at Tsunami's bubblegum pink ones. "It's your fault that I'm this hideous green color in the first place! You and Ramia were jealous and _you_ did this to me!"

"It was supposed to teach you humility," Tsunami apologized. "I had no idea that Ramia would make it permanent. But don't worry. Even if you don't learn to accept yourself despite appearances, you can still break your curse with the ruby slippers."

"That's right!" the green young witch snarled. "Whoever wears the ruby slippers has the power to break my curse! I can't stand it! I haven't been able to take a bath since you two did this to me! How could you be so cruel? I want those slippers and I want them now! Give them to me!"

"You better take off those slippers, Sasami," Hitoro suggested.

"Good idea," she nodded as she knelt and pulled at her shoes. "Hey! What's going on? They won't come off!"

"Pull harder!" Kenji suggested.

"I _am_ pulling harder!" Sasami protested. "They won't come off! It's like they're a part of my feet or something!

"Let me help," the shy brunette munchkin suggested.

"Good idea," Kenji nodded. "I'll take the other foot Misao!"

"You just want to see up her skirt," the green-haired Haida nagged.

"I'll get her arms," Hitoro said. "Pull you guys, pull!"

"Ow!" Sasami cried as the munchkins lifted her by her limbs and pulled. "I don't think this is working!"

"Aha!" the purple-haired witch cried. "There they are! Hold it! Take those off right now little girl!"

"What do you think I'm _trying_ to do?" Sasami snarled back.

"Phooey! It doesn't matter if you can't get them off!" the green witch decided. "The shoes give you the power. Very well then. I order you to break my curse!"

"Break your curse?" Sasami repeated. "How?"

"I don't know!" the green witch with long purple ponytails stamped her foot. "All I know is that whoever wears the ruby slippers has the power to break my curse!"

"No clues," Ramia's voice smirked from under the house.

"Okay," Sasami spread her arms and wiggled her fingers. "Jugemu-jugemu gokô-no-surikire, Sammy Davis Broiler Chicken! In the name of Sailor Moon I break your curse! Ta-da!"

The purple haired young witch looked at her hand. "I'm still green," she sneered distastefully.

"Green is a pretty color, isn't it?" Sasami suggested timidly.

"No it isn't!" the lavender haired witch snarled. "You don't understand! It's been almost a year since I took a bath! Part of the curse is that cleansing water will destroy the green witch! I haven't taken a bath in months! Do you know how that's affected my social life?"

"Uh…"

"Dispel the curse right now you little brat!" the black clad witch ordered. "You…!" she frothed as she pointed an accusing finger at Sasami. "You…! You stand there with your creamy pink skin and those cute little freckles and you think you're so pretty! You're doing this on purpose! Well I'll show you!"

"Water will destroy her?" the athletic munchkin blinked. "Quick everyone! Everybody get your super-soakers! This is our chance! We can be rid of two evil witches in one day!"

"Wow!" Kenji cried. "Great idea, Hitoro! Let's go!"

"Urk!" the purple haired witch shuddered in fear as she backed away to her broom. "Ugh! You little brat! You just wait! This isn't the end of this! I'll get you my pretty, and your little cat-rabbit thing too!" With that she straddled her broom and flew into the air cackling a horrendous earsplitting laugh that reminded Sasami of her older sister.

"You guys are weird," Sasami sneered at an apologetic Tsunami. "I want to get out of here! Now where do I go to find this Witch of Washu?"

_Next: We're Off to See the Wonderful Witch of Washu_


	3. We're Off to See the Washu

_Galaxy 1001D presents: _

**The Witch of Washu**

_**Starring Sasami Masaki Jurai **_

_**Ryo-ohki **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as the Scarecrow**_

_**Tenchi Masaki as Tinchi, the Iron Farmer**_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as Oryo, the Cowardly Highwaywoman**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Ozma the Witch of Washu**_

_**Aeka Masaki Jurai as Romio, the Wicked Witch of the West **_

_**Special Guest Star Tsunami as the Good Witch of the North**_

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. This story is written solely for entertainment and is not intended to make a profit in any way._

_Based on "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima _

_And "__The Wonderful Wizard of Oz__" created by L. Frank Baum_

_Chapter Three: We're Off to See the Washu…_

"Well here we are, Ryo-ohki!" Sasami cheered. "Just a nice walk down the yellow brick road through some beautiful farmland! I've seen yellow lines in the middle of the road but never quite that wide!" she joked.

"Heh-heh-heh Meow!" Ryo-ohki agreed.

"We're off to see the witch! The wonderful Witch of Washu! She's so great, she's never late, there's wonderful things she can do!" Sasami sang. "If ever a wonderful witch there was… because-because…!"

FOUR HOURS LATER…

"…because of the wonderful things she does…" Sasami sang in a hoarse voice. "I'm tired, Ryo-ohki," she whined. "And I'm hungry and thirsty too. My feet hurt…"

"Mew," the cabbit nodded sympathetically.

The road they followed led them through cornfields. At a fork in the road, there was a table with an ear of cooked corn on a plate, and empty glass, and a pitcher of water on it.

"I don't believe it!" Sasami gasped as she rushed forward to the simple meal. "Someone left some food out for us! And some water! And a place to sit down!"

Just before she reached the table, her foot stepped into a noose that snaked out of the cornfield. "Yiiiiii!" the girl screamed as she was lifted up into the air as a beam of wood rose and the rope went taut. "Help!" Sasami cried. "Get me down!"

"Meow!" Ryo-ohki turned back into her toddler form, but she was too short to reach the flailing Sasami.

A tall lanky figure emerged from the cornfield. "Now I've got you, you lousy crows!" the woman said. "I've got you on three counts of larceny and I'm making a citizen's arrest! Huh? Who are you?"

"Get me down!" Sasami whined as she swung back and forth.

"Okay," the strange woman said as she cut the rope. "Sorry about that."

"OW!" Sasami cried as she hit the ground. "Who are you anyway?" she asked as she checked herself for injuries. "Huh?" Her bubblegum pink eyes widened in surprise as she studied the strange woman that had emerged from the cornfield. "_What_ are you?"

"I'm a scarecrow." Indeed, the woman _was_ a scarecrow. Her head was a stringy blonde wig placed over a light brown cloth sack. Large blue eyes were painted on, complete with feminine eyelashes. A bow of red paint formed the lips of her mouth. Amazingly, her facial features were as flexible and mobile as a real face. The contours of the sack matched a human face perfectly. Something under the sack made her nose point to the two tiny circles that were painted in as nostrils.

The woman's body was made of old clothes. Straw was stuffed into a fuzzy pink sweater. Tan slacks made up her legs. Worn riding boots were her feet and white gloves made up her hands. It was as if the woman was a skinny felt doll created from used clothing.

"You're a what?" Sasami asked in disbelief.

"I'm a scarecrow," the female scarecrow repeated. "I was made to protect the farmer's corn. With me around it looks like there's someone in the field, even when there isn't. Pretty clever, huh? When the animals see me, I scare them away."

"How come you look like a girl?" Sasami asked. "You look cute, not scary."

"The farmer always said that nothing was scarier than his old girlfriend," the scarecrow replied. "I saw her once. She really _is_ scary! I learned all my best spooky tricks from her."

"What's with the trap?" Sasami asked.

"Oh this?" the scarecrow gestured to the snare trap. "I put this together yesterday. The crows have gotten used to me and don't scare like they used to. I gotta get creative. They're getting really daring!"

"Get creative?" Sasami repeated.

"Oh yeah, I've tried everything!" the scarecrow cried. "I've tried being nice! I've tried talking to them! I even put out a little food dish for them! But all that did was attract more!"

"That doesn't sound very smart," Sasami scolded gently.

"I know," the scarecrow sighed. "The problem is that I don't have a brain in my head, so all my plans always turn out wrong. I just don't understand it! That's the problem isn't it? That I don't understand. I'm so stupid."

"No you're not, you're doing the best you can," Sasami assured her.

"That's sweet of you to say, but let's be honest," the scarecrow said miserably. "I'm so stupid that Jessica Simpson could outsmart me."

"Wow, that's pretty brainless," Sasami nodded.

"Yeah," the scarecrow shrugged. "I was listening to that Jonny Cash song where the doctor gave him a brain transplant and switched his brain with that of a bank robber. It's too bad that the farmer didn't put a brain in my head when he made me. Then I could figure out what to do."

"Hey, I'm going off to see the Witch of Washu," Sasami offered. "She might be able to help you."

"Do you think so?" the scarecrow chirped.

"Sure, 'Washu' sounds like a mad scientist I know," Sasami explained. "Mad scientists always keep a brain in a jar someplace. If we got to see the Witch of Washu, we could ask her if she has a spare."

"That's a great idea!" the scarecrow smiled. "Why didn't I think of that?" A rosy blush appeared on the burlap sack she used as a face. "Oh yeah, that's right. Don't got a brain. Well what are we waiting for? Let's go!"

* * *

After Sasami and Ryo-ohki ate, the trio continued on. Hours later they found an abandoned farm near the edge of the woods.

"Oh my, what happened here?" Sasami asked.

"Hm, I'm an expert on farms," the scarecrow frowned in concentration. "I'd say that nobody has been here for months! Look at the weeds that have grown up! Such neglect! It's shameful!"

"Hey! Weeds aren't the only thing growing here!" Sasami declared. "I also see some carrots!"

"Carrots?" the scarecrow repeated. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely!" Sasami replied. "We used to grow carrots back home in Okayama, didn't we Ryo-ohki?"

"Meow! Meow! Meow!" Ryo-ohki was digging up carrots as fast as her rabbit-like paws would let her.

"Now Ryo-ohki, don't be greedy!" Sasami nagged.

"Hm, we better find a basket and gather up as much food as we can for you two," the scarecrow decided. "We don't know how much longer before we find a town and we don't have any money."

"Good thinking, Mihoshi!" Sasami nodded.

"What did you call me?" the scarecrow asked.

"I'm sorry," Sasami blushed. "It's just that you remind me of somebody I know."

"That's okay, I've always wanted a name!" the scarecrow grinned. "I've never had a name of my own before!"

Soon the trio were gathering as many carrots as they could. Everything was fine until they reached the edge of the woods, then Ryo-ohki bonked her head on something hard. The furry toddler looked up to see a strange metal robot!

"Miyaa!" she screamed as she turned back into a feline rabbit to run away. "Miya! Yah! Yow!"

"What is it, Ryo-ohki?" Sasami asked as she and the scarecrow ran in her direction. "Did something scare you? Oh!"

"What… is that?" the scarecrow asked.

"It's some kind of robot," Sasami replied. "I've seen them on television. I wonder what it was built to do?"

"Looks like it was a farmer," the scarecrow replied as she gestured to the garden hoe clutched in its rusted metal hand. "But why isn't it working now?"

"I don't know," Sasami said. "It's all rusty. It looks like it was abandoned when the farm was."

The robot seemed entirely made of metal. Small pistons were at its joints and its mouth was on a hinge. Its face was sculpted to appear as the face of a young man, perhaps in imitation of Michelangelo's 'David'. The rusty robot wasn't any taller than the scarecrow and wouldn't have been intimidating if it wasn't in the shade of the trees.

"This is such a mystery," the scarecrow put her gloved hand to her painted mouth. "If I was a detective I could solve it. Too bad this robot isn't working; he could tell us what happened here."

"Roil kern…" the robot murmured.

"What was that Sasami?"

"Don't look at me!" Sasami shook her head and pointed at the robot. "He said it! The robot is still alive!"

"Wow!" the scarecrow stared at the immobile robot. "Creepy! It sure is weird seeing an inanimate object come to life like that! Gives me the heebie-jeebies!" When Sasami frowned at her clueless companion, the scarecrow added. "Oh! Yeah. Right. I'm one to talk, aren't I?"

"Mm-hmph!" the robot mumbled.

"What do we do?" Sasami cried. "The robot is rusted solid! It can't move! We've got to help it somehow!"

"Roil kern," it repeated.

"What is it saying?" Sasami asked. "It sounds like 'Royal kern', but it can't move its mouth to actually talk! What is it trying to tell us?"

"I don't know," the scarecrow shook her head. "I _do_ know that sometimes some of the machinery back at the farm would rust up sometimes. The farmer would use oil and brillo pads to get the rust off."

"Let's check the house and see what we can find," Sasami suggested. "If the robot belongs to whoever owns this farm there must be something in there to take care of it!"

"Good idea, Sasami, but how do we get in?" the scarecrow asked. "What if the door is locked? I don't like the idea of breaking a window."

"Keyrrr…" the robot said.

"What?" the scarecrow asked. "There's a key somewhere?"

"Look, attached to a string tied to its waist," Sasami pointed. "There's a small brass key. That must be the key to the house!"

"Okay, Sasami!" the scarecrow said as she plucked the key from the robot. "Let's go! Hopefully there's a robot instruction manual in there too!"

* * *

The house was abandoned as well, but Sasami was right. Inside the cupboards were oil cans, brillo pads, tools and other equipment that would be useful for caring for a robot. One thing that was missing was electrical equipment of any kind. All of the tools were strictly for mechanical use.

Soon they were scrubbing the robot down and oiling its joints.

"Why thank you," the robot said when its mouth worked. "I can't thank you enough. I was caught in a rainstorm and couldn't get home in time. I thought I'd be rusting here forever!"

"This is _your_ farm?" Sasami asked as she replaced the bolts on his knee.

"That's right," the robot nodded as his neck squeaked. "I've had this place for almost a year. It's not much but it keeps me busy."

"What's your name?" the scarecrow asked. "My name's Mihoshi!" she said proudly. "I know that's my name, because Sasami told me! Isn't it great? I have a name now, what's yours?"

"Tinchi," the robot replied.

"_Tin_chi," Sasami repeated. "Is that because you're made of tin?"

"What?" Tinchi asked. "No. I'm made of iron. Tin is used to protect iron. A layer of tin will keep iron from rusting. Didn't you know that?"

"I thought that tin rusts in the water," Sasami blushed. "I saw it in a movie."

"Well you can't believe everything you see in a movie," Tinchi told her. "Movies are make-believe. You can't believe everything."

"After meeting a talking scarecrow and a man made of metal I'm willing to believe _anything_," Sasami admitted. "You're completely hollow inside. There isn't any machinery. How is it that you can move?"

"Yes, how can that be?" the scarecrow asked, completely forgetting that _she _was impossible as well. "How can a robot not have any machinery and still move? I don't understand."

"Well I'm not really a robot," Tenchi admitted. "To be honest, until eight months ago I wasn't even made of iron. I was human."

"What?" the scarecrow squeaked.

"No way!" Sasami whispered.

"Mew…" Ryo-ohki added.

"It's true," Tinchi nodded. "I used to be a prince from a distant country. My full name is Tinchi Romeo Charming."

"No…" the scarecrow gasped. "Not the famous _Prince_ Charming?"

"The very same," Tinchi nodded. "My parents were afraid I wasn't assertive enough to inherit the kingdom, so they picked out some heroic quests to send me on. I was supposed to save a fair damsel, preferably a princess, and if things worked out we would be married."

"So what went wrong?" Sasami asked.

"I didn't realize that I only had to rescue _one_ of them," Tinchi admitted. "I rescued _all _of them, one after another. Soon I had a whole bunch of beautiful girls at my place wanting to marry me! Snow White and Cinderella and Rapunzel… You can't imagine what it was like!"

"Oh, I think I can…" Sasami nodded knowingly.

"My parents were afraid that I'd get a big head, so they sent me out here to live the life a peasant for a while," the iron prince continued. "You know, learn some humility. They set me up with a little carrot farm in the land of Washu at the edge of the woods. Nice and private. The perfect place to sort myself out…"

"So what happened?" the scarecrow asked. "Did political enemies follow you?"

"No, what happened is that I met these two girls," Tinchi admitted. "They seemed so nice, but they were nothing but trouble. It turned out that one committed more crimes than Jesse James, and the other one was a powerful witch!"

"A powerful witch?" Sasami repeated. "Uh-oh…"

"Meow!" the furry toddler that was Ryo-ohki glanced at Sasami in concern.

"That's right," Tinchi nodded. "And she didn't like me two-timing her. She said if I was so heartless that I couldn't make up my mind my heart was just a lump of iron. Then she turned _me_ into a lump of iron. I don't know what I'm going to do now. The only way to break my curse is to get a heart and make a decision. If I don't I'll be a heartless lump of metal forever!"

"Why don't you come with us?" Sasami suggested. "We're going to see a mad scientist… I mean a powerful witch! If a witch cast this spell on you maybe another witch can get rid of it!"

"Yeah, it makes sense!" the scarecrow smiled encouragingly. "It can't hurt! Your farm is a mess anyhow! Come with us! Tinchi, come with us!"

"Okay," Tinchi nodded. "You girls can stay overnight, and then all four of us can set out in the morning. What do I got to lose? At least as a man made of iron I won't risk stringing any girl along. Besides I don't like the idea of the three of you going into the woods alone. They say that there are lions and tigers and bears."

"Oh my!" the scarecrow squeaked.

_Next: The Cowardly Highwaywoman_


	4. The Cowardly Highwaywoman

_Galaxy 1001D presents:_

**The Witch of Washu**

**Starring Sasami Masaki Jurai**

**Ryo-ohki**

**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as the Scarecrow**

**Tenchi Masaki as Tinchi, the Iron Farmer**

**Ryoko Hakubi as Oryo, the Cowardly Highwaywoman**

**Washu Hakubi as Ozma the Wizard**

**Aeka Masaki Jurai as Romio, the Wicked Witch of the West**

**Special Guest Star Tsunami as the Good Witch of the North**

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. This story is written solely for entertainment and is not intended to make a profit in any way._

_Based on "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_

_And "__The Wonderful Wizard of Oz__" created by L. Frank Baum_

_Chapter Four: The Cowardly Highwaywoman_

"We're off to see the witch!" Sasami, the scarecrow, Tinchi, and Ryo-ohki sang as they skipped through the woods. Tinchi felt silly singing along but the mood of the others was infectious, and he didn't want to be a wet blanket. "The wonderful Witch of Washu! She's so great, she's never late, there's wonderful things she can do!"

Suddenly, Sasami was seized from behind. "Eek!"

A masked sinister figure in black had the little girl in a headlock and had an archaic pistol placed against the side of her head. "All right, hands in the air!" the bandit said in a deep, cultured voice. "I am the Shadow, and I never miss. Empty your pockets unless you what this little girl is made of!" The robber paused, and then corrected himself. "By that I mean seeing her innards, not actually testing her mettle or anything like that. I mean that I'll splatter her brains all over the road unless you do as I say…"

"Oh… _that's_ what you meant," the scarecrow said as she raised her hands and spread her arms out wide. As a scarecrow she had lots of practice assuming that particular pose.

"We understood you the first time," Tinchi hissed as he raised his hands. Could he get to his sword? He had brought the rapier he had used when rescuing Princess Aurora from that wizard's castle a while back and wondered if he could get to the highwayman in time...

"I didn't," the scarecrow insisted. "Oh yeah, that's right. I'm off to see the Witch of Washu to see if I can get some brains. That's right…"

"Meow!" Ryo-ohki turned into her little cabbit form and growled at the brigand.

"You there," the robber pointed his gun at Tenchi. "Tin man! I see you have a money pouch attached to your waist. Throw it on the ground! Along with your sword! Or do your ears need unblocking?"

Tinchi frowned and slowly undid his baldric to allow his sword, scabbard and money pouch to fall to the ground. Suddenly, Ryo-ohki jumped into the air and bit the highwayman on the hand holding the pistol.

"OW!" the robber cried in a distinctly _feminine_ voice. "Ow! Dammit!" she shook her hand but Ryo-ohki refused to release her. "Ow! Let go! It hurts! Ouch!" The highwaywoman released Sasami to dance around waving her arm attempting to dislodge the stubborn cabbit. Her hat fell off to reveal a mane of wild spiky cyan white hair. Her dark cloak opened to reveal a slender but curvaceous body clad in a green tunic, white poofy shirt and green stockings. Her mask fell off to reveal a pretty face with mischievous golden eyes.

"I don't believe it!" Tinchi cried.

"Ryoko!" Sasami gasped. "It's you!"

"Get off!" Ryoko roared as Ryo-ohki flew through the air taking Ryoko's white glove with her.

"Mew!" the cabbit yelped.

"Ryoko, what are you doing here?" Sasami asked.

"What?" the highwaywoman blinked. "You must have me mistaken for someone else. I'm 'Overly Splendid' Oryo, the land of Washu's most famous fashion model! I don't know _who_ this 'Ryoko' is…" It was true. Despite her uncanny resemblance to the former space pirate, Oryo's ears were much smaller than Ryoko's large flappy ones. The ears on Oryo's head were shaped like those of an ordinary Earthling or Juraian.

"What is a fashion model doing hiding in the woods and holding people up?" the scarecrow demanded.

"Well, it's a long story," Oryo blushed. "Turns out a wealthy sponsor thought I was a loose woman and I had to break his jaw… Now I can't get a job in the fashion industry anymore. But I have to earn money! I have to get rich quick, you see… There's this handsome prince I've been courting and if I want a chance with him I've got to be in his income bracket. You've got to understand, everything I steal is tax free! But there's no sense bothering you over my little problems…"

"Oryo!" Tinchi gasped. "I don't believe it! How could you pull a gun on an innocent child? What happened to you?"

"Hey that voice sounds familiar," Oryo turned her topaz yellow eyes to the iron prince. "Have we met before?"

"It's me, Tinchi," the metal carrot farmer informed her. "Tinchi, you know, the prince whose wedding you ruined? Snow White will never speak to me again…"

"Tinchi?" Oryo squinted at the metal prince. "What happened to you? It this why you never called me? I knew it!" The cyan-haired bandit dashed over to the metal prince, her arms out wide. "I knew there had to be some reason you were avoiding me! There's no need to be ashamed, Sweetie-pie! I love you no matter what you look like! Ow!" When she hit Tinchi's iron body, she fell backwards and landed on her rump. "Wow! What happened to you? You're as hard as a rock!"

"Romio did this to me," Tinchi sighed. "I can't blame her. I did this to myself. If only I would have just made up my mind instead of stringing all of you along…"

"Romio, huh?" Oryo rose to her feet and punched her hand. "That witch has been cruisin' for a bruisin'! It's time to take that woman down once and for all! When I get my hands on her…"

"Meow!" Ryo-ohki hopped over to greet the beautiful brigand.

"Yah!" Oryo jumped up in the air to be caught by the scarecrow. "It's that little cat-rodent thing! Get it away from me!"

"The famous highwayman known as the Shadow, afraid of a little animal?" the scarecrow asked disdainfully.

"So I'm afraid of mice, who isn't?" Oryo shrugged. "I may be fearless against warriors and witches, but those little critters freak me out!"

"What a cowardly highwaywoman you turned out to be," Sasami shook her head.

"Hey kiddo, I got bit by a Chihuahua when I was your age," Oryo said. "Those furry little varmints are _nasty_."

"Meow!" Ryo-ohki changed into her furry toddler form.

"Oh, what a cute little child you are!" Oryo's face lit up as the scarecrow released her. The bandit crouched to get on Ryo-ohki's level. "You're just so cute! Let me give you a big hug…"

"So the famous highwayman 'the Shadow' turns out to be an old girlfriend of yours?" the scarecrow asked the iron farmer.

"Yep," Tinchi nodded ruefully. "I swear, I had no idea where she got her money!"

"So, where you off to, Tinchi?" Oryo asked. "Going to get your tires rotated?" she laughed cruelly.

"No," Tinchi retorted indignantly. "We're off to see the Witch of Washu. Hopefully she can cast a spell that will bring me back to normal. If not maybe she can give me a heart that can make a final decision for once!"

"Okay, I'll go with you!" Oryo offered. "If the Witch of Washu is feeling generous maybe she could give me…"

"Courage?" Sasami offered.

"No, a royal bloodline!" Oryo clarified. "That way I can marry Lord Tinchi here. Either that or she can change him into a commoner. Either way will suit me."

"Oryo, what about that voice?" Tinchi asked. "How did you get it so deep?"

"Neat, huh?" she smiled proudly. "I was in the theatre after I lost my modeling job, but it pays peanuts. Nya-hah-hah-hah!" she laughed melodramatically in the Shadow's masculine voice. "What? You didn't expect me to go around robbing people as _myself_ did you? Even the _stupid_ cops would be able to catch me!"

"Do you think we can trust her?" the scarecrow asked Sasami timidly.

"Sure, she seems nice," Sasami smiled reassuringly. "Besides, she reminds me of someone I know. I'm sure everything will work out okay."

"Oryo!" Tinchi bellowed. "Give me back my money pouch!"

"Oops, sorry!" the ravishing robber smiled guiltily. "Old habits die hard!"

* * *

Meanwhile in the lair of the Wicked Witch of the West…

The girlish witch was watching the zany group through her crystal ball. Her wine-red eyes narrowed in jealousy when seeing how quickly the group befriended each other. "So… you think you can steal my Tinchi and keep the ruby slippers? I'll get you my pretty, and your little rabbit-thing Ryo-ohki, too! I shall knock you unconscious with a hypnotic field of… Poppies…! Poppies…! Poppies…! Poppies…!" she let her voice get softer as she repeated the last word as if she as pretending that she was in an echo chamber. "Ah-ha-ha-ha!"

* * *

In the meantime the group left the forest to see a gigantic poppy field.

"Hm, _Papaver somniferum_, also known as the opium poppy," the scarecrow mused. "An exotic plant used as food as well as medicine and an illegal narcotic."

"Wow, you sure know a lot about plants, Mihoshi!" Sasami gushed.

"I spent my whole life on a farm, and I read a lot encyclopedias when I was trying to make myself smarter," the scarecrow explained. "There's no need to worry. The opiates in the poppies should be harmless unless you eat a lot of them."

"Oryo!" Tinchi cried.

The cyan-haired highwaywoman was running directly into the opium field as fast as she could. She executed a swan dive into a cluster of poppies and disappeared.

"I'll get her," Tinchi frowned.

Soon the group was walking past the poppy field. Tinchi was holding Oryo over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

"I'm so high…" Oryo burbled. "Poppies, poppies, poppies, poppies…"

"I'm ashamed of you," Tinchi grumbled. "What kind of example are you setting for Sasami and Ryo-ohki?"

"Sorry Tinchi, I used to be a fashion model," she explained weakly. "You know we have problems with substance abuse…"

"Thanks to you, the rest of this story will be rated 'T'!" Tinchi scolded.

"Sorry…" Oryo moaned.

"Yeah this is just like the _Pretty Sammy OVA_'s," Sasami grumbled. "They didn't know what age group they were writing for either."

* * *

Back in her lair, the Wicked Witch of the West blinked in confusion at the image on her crystal ball. "Well _that_ was easy," she grumbled. "I'll have to think of something more clever next time."

* * *

Soon the motley group was viewing an emerald city in the distance. It was an amazing sight, but all of the buildings seemed to be various shades of green. Tinchi and Oryo strode forward while the scarecrow, Sasami, and Ryo-ohki admired the view.

"Wow, look at that!" Sasami gasped.

"The Emerald City!" the scarecrow breathed.

"What's its name?" the blue haired child asked.

"The Emerald City," the scarecrow replied.

"Yes, but what is it called?" Sasami asked.

"The Emerald City," the scarecrow answered.

"Yes, I know it's green!" Sasami frowned as she pointed at the distant city. "But what is its name?"

"What?" the blonde scarecrow blinked. "The Emerald City?"

"Yes!" Sasami stamped her foot. "What's its name?"

"The Emerald City," the scarecrow replied.

"Yes! The emerald city! What is it called?"

"The Emerald City," the scarecrow replied.

"I know it's the emerald city!" Sasami snarled. "But what is it _called_?"

"If you know its name, why are you asking me?" the scarecrow asked.

"But I don't know its name!" Sasami insisted.

"Yes you do," the scarecrow nodded.

"No I _don't…_!" Sasami cried. "Look, if you saw that town on a map what would it be called?"

"The Emerald City."

"Yes! The emerald city!" Sasami growled as she stamped her foot. "That's what I'm asking! If you saw it on a map what would its name be?"

"The Emerald City."

"Quit saying that!" Sasami shouted as she jumped up and down. "Look all I want to know is what it's called!"

"What _what's_ called?" the scarecrow asked.

"The emerald city," Sasami snapped.

"That's right," the scarecrow nodded.

"What's right?" Sasami demanded as she jumped up and down. "I didn't get anything right! I just want to know the name of the city!"

"The name of _that_ city?" the scarecrow pointed to the shamrock colored buildings in the distance.

"Yes!" Sasami pointed to the city. "That one! The emerald city! What's its name?"

"The Emerald City," the scarecrow replied.

"Oh forget it!" Sasami snarled. "I'll ask Tinchi!" The girl and her cabbit jogged forward to catch up to Tinchi and Oryo. "Hey Tinchi?"

"Yes Sasami?" the metallic boy smiled.

"You see that green city we're heading to?" she pointed straight ahead.

"Sure, that's where we're headed," he nodded.

"Have you ever been there?" Sasami asked.

"Sure lots of times," Oryo nodded.

"Yeah," Tinchi shrugged. "I've been there once or twice."

"So do you know its name?" Sasami asked eagerly. "What's it called?"

"The Emerald City," Tinchi and Oryo chorused.

"AAAAAH!" Sasami screamed.

_Next: The Witch of Washu_


	5. The Witch of Washu

_Galaxy 1001D presents: _

**The Witch of Washu**

_**Starring Sasami Masaki Jurai **_

_**Ryo-ohki **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as the Scarecrow**_

_**Tenchi Masaki as Tinchi, the Iron Farmer**_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as Oryo, the Cowardly Highwaywoman**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Ozma, the Witch of Washu**_

_**Aeka Masaki Jurai as Romio, the Wicked Witch of the West **_

_**Special Guest Star Tsunami as the Good Witch of the North**_

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. This story is written solely for entertainment and is not intended to make a profit in any way._

_Based on "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima _

_And "__The Wonderful Wizard of Oz__" created by L. Frank Baum_

_Chapter Five: The Witch of Washu_

Soon the motley crew arrived at the gates to the Emerald City.

"You see Sasami?" the scarecrow pointed at a large green sign that said in dark midnight green letters 'Welcome to the Emerald City pop 42,1992'. "It really is called the Emerald City."

"I'm sorry, I didn't understand," Sasami blushed.

"That's all right, there's lots of things I don't get either," the scarecrow smiled reassuringly as she patted the cabbit perched on Sasami's head.

"Thanks," Sasami clasped her hands behind her back and dragged one foot through the dirt.

* * *

The Emerald City was quite a sight. Every shade of green one could imagine was represented in the structures that made up the town. Many of the inhabitants also had hair in various shades of green. Finally the group was outside the palace of the Witch of Washu.

"Hey open up, will ya?" Ryoko… sorry… _Oryo_ said as she knocked on the main gate. A window on the gate opened and a fetching woman with short Persian green hair poked her head through to reveal her pointed ears. She appeared to be dressed in a lime green version of England's Buckingham Palace guards. "Who goes there?" she asked. "State your business for seeing the Witch of Washu."

"I'm Sasami, and I want to get back to Okayama," the little princess of Jurai said.

"Have you tried a travel agency?" the green haired woman suggested.

"I don't have any money," Sasami said sadly.

"Mew…" Ryo-ohki added gloomily.

"Oh… that's too bad…" the green haired woman stammered. "Have you tried calling your parents?"

"They're on another planet," Sasami explained.

"Oh… yes… that sounds awfully far away…" the green haired woman with pointed ears admitted. "Surely some of your friends could loan you some money then?"

"Until I can turn human again nobody is going to believe that I'm who I say I am," Tinchi explained. "I can't touch my money. People will think I'm an imposter."

"An imposter?" the green haired woman asked the iron farmer. "Who are you supposed to be? C3PO?"

"No, I'm Prince Tinchi Romeo Charming," Tinchi huffed. "Although now I look like Gort from _The Day The Earth Stood Still_."

"Yes, I can see why people might think you're an imposter," the green haired woman said condescendingly. She spun her finger on the side of her ear and crossed her eyes before assuming a normal demeanor again. "Prince Charming. Right. Maybe one of you could lend this little girl a cell phone? She could call someone, what do you say?"

"Don't got a cell phone," Oryo shrugged. "On TV that's how the cops track down the bad guys. I don't need the law knowing where I am."

"Say, you look familiar," the green haired woman narrowed her gray eyes at the Ryoko-like Oryo. "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

"Maybe," Oryo shrugged before she draped herself against Tinchi and assumed a sexy pose appropriate for a magazine ad.

"I knew it!" the green haired girl gushed. "You're 'Overly Splendid' Oryo, aren't you? Your pictures are in my 'Funaho's Secret' catalog. This is indeed an honor!"

"So will you let us in?" Oryo asked.

"But of course," the green haired woman turned to call someone. "Oh Kiyone! Open the gate will you?"

A teal haired woman in an emerald uniform appeared beside her. "Noike!" she snarled as she pointed an accusing finger. "I should have known! Trying to take my place _again_, are you? You really are too much! First you show up as Tenchi's fiancé and then claim to be Mihoshi's old partner and then you make everybody think that Tenchi's mother's name was 'Kiyone' and not 'Achika'! This is a transparent ploy to make it look like I never existed!"

"Look, Masaki Kajishima didn't create you," Noike put her hands on her curvaceous hips. "He didn't create Achika either. It was just his way of taking back the series…"

"Baloney!" Kiyone sneered. "He didn't care about the series! _Tenchi OVA 3_ was just there to set up his two spin offs, neither one of them were anywhere near as popular as _Tenchi Universe_! He simply used the original continuity to do it and make it all 'official'! You had no story purpose and you stole all the air time from the regulars! You were just a bunch of padding with a little fan service thrown in! At least when Washu took over the series she moved to plot along, but _you_…!"

"Could we get back into character, please?" Ryoko… excuse me, _Oryo_ asked as she leaned against the window counter testily. "We haven't got all day."

"The point is that in this story _I'm_ the guardian to the palace gate and not you!" Kiyone announced. "Quit stealing my part! Just stop it!"

"Calm down," Noike sniffed. "I'm about to let 'Overly Splendid' Oryo and her friends into the palace. So you know what that means…"

"Not 'Overly Splendid' Oryo!" Kiyone glanced at Oryo and gasped in surprise. "I see what you mean! Yes, I'll open the gate!"

"See?" Oryo turned back to face her companions and put her hands on her hips haughtily. "You just got to _be_ someone to open the doors in this town…"

The doors opened, and the two green haired palace guards pointed pistols that looked suspiciously like Galaxy Police blasters at our heroes. "You're under arrest!" they chorused.

"Hands against the wall!" Kiyone ordered. "Noike, frisk 'em!"

* * *

Soon Sasami and her friends had an audience with the Witch of Washu, but not in the way they expected…

"Consorting with a known criminal, impersonating a foreign prince, vagrancy, kidnapping a minor… you guys are going to get the book thrown at you!" Kiyone sneered.

"Hooray! Kiyone's in this story!" the scarecrow cheered.

"Augh!" the teal haired palace guard gasped in fear. "Noike, take over here!" she said as she walked to the door.

"I thought you didn't like me taking your place," Noike smirked.

"I've changed my mind," Kiyone shuddered. "This is an OVA story. Carry on!"

"She'll be back," the scarecrow smiled confidently.

"Quiet!" Noike ordered. "Princess Ozma, the Witch of Washu will preside over your hearing and determine your guilt or innocence!"

At the far end of the massive audience chamber, rifle green curtains opened to reveal a throne obscured with smoke from flaming braziers. Visible through the smoke was the giant head of an emerald eyed girl whose red hair was arranged to vaguely resemble the arms of a crab. "I am… Washu…!" she announced in nasal voice. "Tremble in my presence puny mortals! You have dared to enter my domain and I will pass judgment on you!"

"Wow! Scary!" the scarecrow trembled.

"It's not so scary," Sasami smiled knowingly. "I was watching this movie when the typhoon hit my house and in the movie it was just someone working machinery behind some curtains." She spied a curtained alcove nearby. "I'm betting the control room is right… here!" she opened the curtains with a flourish to reveal…

"Huh? A toilet and a sink?" the little princess gasped. "But there's nobody here!"

"Hey, pay attention when I'm talking to you!" the Witch of Washu strode forward out of the brazier's smoke to reveal that she had the body of a twelve year old topped by a massive three foot wide head! "If you had to go, you should have gone before you got here! Now pay attention to me!"

"Are you the Witch of Washu?" the scarecrow asked.

"No I'm Princess Leia!" the Witch of Washu sneered. "Haven't you got a brain in your head? Of course I'm the Witch of Washu!"

"No I don't," the scarecrow said sadly.

"You don't what?" the red haired witch asked.

"I don't have a brain in my head," the scarecrow said. "M-my head's filled with straw… Tears trickled out of her blue painted eyes to run down her canvas cheeks. "I'm just a big dummy…"

"Oh!" the witch with the giant head stammered. "Please don't cry! I didn't realize! It's okay! Don't cry or your head might mildew! I'm sorry!" The ruler of the Emerald City walked forward and pressed a white handkerchief into the scarecrow's hand. "I'm sorry, it's just that I've been so testy lately…"

"What's wrong?" Tinchi asked.

"Tinchi, is that you?" the redheaded ruler turned to the iron teenager.

"Yeah, it's me," he shrugged. "I was hoping you could break the curse and turn me human again. If it's not too much trouble…"

"You know Princess Ozma _too_?" Oryo asked incredulously. "Honestly, is there a princess in the world you _aren't_ dating?"

"I'm not dating anybody right now," Prince Charming crossed his metal arms as he turned on his iron heel.

"Princess Ozma?" Sasami asked. "I thought your name was 'Washu'."

"No, I was just being symbolic," the carrot topped Ozma explained. "Since I am the monarch, symbolically I _am_ the nation, do you understand?"

"Sorry, you look like a 'Washu' to me," Sasami smiled strangely.

"So… Ozma, what's the matter with your head?" Oryo asked pointblank.

"What's the matter with my head?" the redheaded Ozma asked indignantly.

"Nothing, except that there's too much of it, that's all," Oryo shrugged. "Honestly you look like a mascot at Disneyland or something!"

"There's nothing wrong with my head," Ozma crossed her arms and fixed the highwaywoman with piercing green eyes. "It is the perfect size to house my massive intellect."

"It sure is massive all right," Oryo chuckled. "You look like you're about to float away! No wonder you're such a recluse!"

"All right!" Ozma shouted. "I know all right? Whenever I walk down the street, children shout 'Hey Kool-aid!' I get it, all right? One of my experiments went wrong and now I've got a head bigger than a watermelon! I know, okay? _I've got a big head_. I get it! Shut up!"

"Just making conversation," the former fashion model shrugged nonchalantly.

"Can you get me home to Okayama?" Sasami asked her.

"Can you give me some brains?" the scarecrow added.

"Can you give me a heart?" Tinchi asked her. "It's the only way I can be human."

"Can you give me your credit card?" Oryo asked. "I won't spend too much. I promise."

"No, I won't do any of those things!" Ozma cried. "I've been all-powerful and all-knowing for too long and now my head as gotten so big I have to wear a neck brace! The only way I can get my head back to a normal size is to leave my palace and all of the kiss-ups who serve me and go on a quest to get some humility! I have to go as a normal girl and not use my witchy powers or I'll have to start all over! And I know just were to go, too!"

"Oh boy!" the scarecrow grinned. "You're going on a trip?"

"Can I be the ruler when you're gone?" Oryo asked her. "I'll give the kingdom back afterwards. I promise!"

"No," the redheaded ruler stamped her foot and glowered at the assembled group. "The quickest way to shrink my head is to expose myself to mindnumbing danger. Otherwise I'd have to spend years in a monastery to shrink my head. The perfect quest will be to confront my sister, the Wicked Witch of the West. Ever since my sisters and I turned her green she's been itching to get back at us. I figure that if I visit her she should humiliate me enough to get my head back to normal."

"The Wicked Witch of the West?" the scarecrow shuddered. "Isn't that rather dangerous? She's so… _wicked_, you know."

"She didn't used to be," the carrot-topped Ozma explained. "When we were growing up she was the Bratty and Demanding Witch of the West. Then she became the Vain and Beautiful Witch of the West. When she met Tinchi she became the Jealous and Possessive Witch of the West. Then when the rest of my sisters and I turned her green for a joke she became the Mortified and Humiliated Witch of the West. Then she was the Bitter and Vindictive Witch of the West. Now that she's plotting her crazy revenge she's become the Wicked Witch of the West. She's going from normal villainy to cartoon villainy. It's time to nip this in the bud before it gets any worse."

"But confronting her without using any of your powers, isn't that rather dangerous?" the scarecrow asked her.

"That's why I'm taking _you_ lollipops with me," Ozma crossed her arms imperiously. "Congratulations. You're all officially pardoned of all of your crimes and you're now part of the royal bodyguard. If you try to back out, I'll have you all executed for deserting. Now get some rest. We've got a big trip ahead of us and I want you milksops to be sharp! Breakfast is at eight hundred hours so don't be late!"

"We won't eat breakfast for eight hundred hours?" Oryo asked incredulously. "What are we supposed to do in the meantime? Starve?"

"Eight hundred hours is military for eight AM," Ozma turned to face the ignorant Oryo. "Were you the one asking for the brains?"

"No!" Oryo shouted indignantly. "I'm not! The scarecrow is!"

"Then don't act like it," Ozma turned to walk back to her throne. "Noike, show them to their rooms and pack my things. I'm going on a little business trip in the morning. Hold all my appointments until I get back won't you?"

"Of course your incredible mightiness, ma'am!" Noike bowed and scraped.

"Quit doing that!" Ozma snarled. "I'll never get my head down to normal size if you guys keep feeding my ego like that! The sooner I leave, the better!"

_Next: The Wicked Witch of the West_


	6. The Wicked Witch of the West

_Galaxy 1001D presents: _

**The Witch of Washu**

_**Starring Sasami Masaki Jurai **_

_**Ryo-ohki **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as the Scarecrow**_

_**Tenchi Masaki as Tinchi, the Iron Farmer**_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as Oryo, the Cowardly Highwaywoman**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Ozma, the Witch of Washu**_

_**Aeka Masaki Jurai as Romio, the Wicked Witch of the West **_

_**Special Guest Star Tsunami as the Good Witch of the North**_

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. This story is written solely for entertainment and is not intended to make a profit in any way._

_Based on "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima _

_And "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" created by L. Frank Baum_

_Chapter Six: The Wicked Witch of the West_

In her lair west of the Emerald City, the Wicked Witch of the West cackled as she spied on the group using her crystal ball. "At last! Ozma herself is coming to see me, and she doesn't dare use her powers! This is my chance to get revenge on those that have humiliated me once and for all!"

"Hello dear sister," Tsunami greeted cheerfully as she walked up behind her.

"Aaah!" the purple-haired witch's ruby red eyes bulged as she screamed in shock. "Tsunami!" she shook her fist as she turned to face her pink-eyed sister. "Don't you ever knock? What are you doing, spying on me?"

"Weren't _you_ spying on Ozma and her little friends?" Tsunami asked innocently.

"Yes!" Romio snarled. "So what? Everybody calls me the 'Wicked Witch of the West' anyway! They _expect_ me to pull dirty tricks like that!" Her anger faded and tears appeared in her crimson eyes. "E-everybody hates me…" she sobbed into her hands. "Th-they hate me because I'm ugly and green…"

"Nobody hates you," Tsunami assured her.

* * *

Meanwhile as Sasami and her friends headed west Oryo was discussing Tinchi's predicament. "I can't believe that Romio turned you into a robot!" she grumbled. "I _hate _that witch!"

* * *

"Well, _most_ people don't hate you," Tsunami said sheepishly. "_I_ don't hate you," Tsunami assured her distraught sister as they stood in Romio's study before the crystal ball. "_I_ still love you, sister."

"So what?" Romio grumbled. "You're the _good_ witch! You don't hate _anyone_!"

"I hate Masaki Kajishima," Tsunami pointed out. "He totally wrecked _Tenchi Muyo_."

"OVA 3 really _did_ stink didn't it?" Romio nodded. "And he didn't give Hiroki Hayashi or Kenichi Yatani any credit."

"Now Sasami and Washu are the only girls who can get any work in this town," Tsunami sighed. "But let's get back to _your_ problem dear sister. You can't let the color green get you blue. You've got to see the beauty within…!"

"Don't give me that 'beauty within' rubbish!" the black clad witch sneered. "You only talk about the 'beauty within' to really _ugly _people! No one will think I'm beautiful. No one!"

"That's not true," Tsunami assured her. "It all depends on your individual preference. I'd like to introduce you to some boys who think that green skin is quite attractive. Would you like that?"

"They think green skin is attractive?" Romio's face lit up. "By all means, I'd love to meet them! Show them in!"

"I'd like you to meet Larry, Cohen and Allen of the GXP!" Tsunami announced as three young fanboys entered the room.

"Wait a minute!" Romio snarled. "They're wearing _Star Trek_ tee shirts! These nerdlings think I'm an Orion slave girl! They don't count! I don't care about the opinion of some perverted Trekkies!"

"Actually we prefer the term Trek…_ers_," the boy wearing glasses said.

"_I_ prefer the term _lose_…ers," the black clad witch sneered. "Honestly do any of you even _have_ girlfriends? You make me sick! Tsunami, get them out of here before I turn the lot of them into toads! At least then some of their acne would clear up!"

"Sorry about that, boys," Tsunami gestured to the door. "Thanks for trying."

"Wow, she really _is_ wicked," the one with glasses said as they walked to the door.

"But she sure is hot!" said the fat one. "I bet she's got a great body! She looks great in that tight little witch number. Very goth," he said as they left.

"Ew…" Romio shuddered. "Thanks to my curse I can't even take a shower after being in the same room with those geeks. What were you thinking, Tsunami?"

"I was only trying to help," the blue haired witch assured her. "It's not being ugly that's making you wicked. It's being wicked that's making you ugly. Despite your odd color you're still very attractive…"

The purple haired witch put her hands over her ears. "Not listening!" she declared obnoxiously. "La-la-la! Not listening! La-la-la!" She took her hands off her ears and glowered at her sister. "Now stop trying to make me feel better and go away! If you aren't going to help me break the curse stop bothering me! I've got evil schemes to plan and not a lot of time to do it in! Ozma and the others will be here any minute and I don't have my evil schemes ready…"

The sound of a doorbell was heard.

"There, you see? They're here already!" the Wicked Witch of the West complained. "And I don't have a cunning trap prepared for them! You've made me look like a total idiot, do you know that?"

"You could just see what they want," Tsunami pointed out. "Maybe they're just being sociable."

"Yeah right," Romio grumbled. "And_ I'm_ the princess of Jurai." The doorbell rang again. "Okay-okay-okay!" the black clad witch complained as she left her study and trotted downstairs. "I'll be right there, hold your horses!"

* * *

Outside the haunted castle that was the lair for the Wicked Witch of the West, Sasami and her friends were waiting for the door to open. "What's taking so long?" Washu… sorry, _Ozma_ asked irritably. "I thought she was the _Wicked_ Witch of the West not the _Rude_ Witch of the West."

The door opened and Ayeka… sorry, _Romio_ opened the door to greet her guests with politeness bordering on condescending. "Ah, visitors! Come in… Come in… make yourselves at home." The black clad witch spread the door wide and gestured at a parlor that looked like it was set up for Halloween.

"What's with the jack o' lanterns?" Ryoko… 'scuse me, _Oryo_ asked when she entered the front parlor.

"I'm trying something new," Romio replied.

"Are those spiders on those cobwebs made of plastic?" Sasami asked suspiciously.

"Wait a minute!" the scarecrow gasped. "Those aren't cobwebs! That's some kind of cotton that has been spread real thin to look like cobwebs!"

"Of course," Romio winked coyly. "You wouldn't expect me to keep a messy house would you?" She picked up a bowel of sweets. "Candy?"

"Don't mind if I do," Oryo stuck her hand into the bowl to pick out a snack-sized candy bar.

"Ryoko!" Sasami exclaimed. "I mean… Oryo! It's dangerous to accept candy from strangers! It might be poisoned!"

"Well I never!" the Wicked Witch huffed indignantly.

"Don't worry about it," Washu… darn it! _Ozma_ assured her with an offhand wave. "Just look at my sister. She's dressed all in black with a pointed hat with a large flat brim. Her house is dimly lit with dark colors painted on the walls and every room is done over with Halloween decorations. Do you really think that anyone that into Halloween would spoil it by hiding razor blades in the candy?"

"She's not a stranger," the cyan-haired fashion-model-turned-highwayman assured the little princess. "She's the one who turned Tinchi into a walking junkyard."

"Ouch," Tinchi protested. "Oryo, that hurt!"

"Not to worry my love because she's gonna turn you right back or I'm going to stick her broomstick where the sun don't shine!"

"Please, don't start before meal time," the Wicked Witch sniffed disdainfully. "Oh Yuka," she said to a girl in a maid's uniform who looked suspiciously like one of the three girls who was serving Ayeka in the _Pretty Sammy OAVs_, "Tell the chef to prepare six more plates for dinner won't you? There's a good girl."

"Of course ma'am," the maid curtsied.

"Romio?" Tinchi said testily. "I don't eat anymore, remember? You turned me into a living statue. And I'm pretty sure the scarecrow doesn't eat either."

"Oh I'll just have some fresh straw," the scarecrow assured her. "Although I've been thinking of stuffing myself with feathers. Do you think that would be a good idea? That way I'd be nice and soft…"

"Make that four extra plates, Yuka," the Wicked Witch amended. She looked at the furry toddler that was Ryo-ohki. "You _do_ eat, don't you?"

"Meow," the furry toddler assured her.

"I'm going to take that as a 'yes' for now," Romio muttered. She cleared her throat and assumed an arrogant tone. "Come my guests! You shall dine like kings! Yuka, pass it on that I want the meal _extra special. _Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" she cackled evilly.

"She laughs just like my sister," Sasami murmured.

"She does?" Oryo looked at the child sympathetically. "You poor kid! That must drive you _crazy_!"

* * *

Soon our heroes were seated around a long table that belonged in Castle Dracula enjoying a delicious meal of pheasant under glass.

"So how are you all enjoying the meal so far?" the Wicked Witch asked her guests.

"Mew," Ryo-ohki looked up from her bowl of carrots.

"It's delicious," Sasami smiled sweetly.

"I gotta admit, you really know how to treat your guests, sis," the redheaded Ozma said between bites.

"This is so good that I'm gonna ask for seconds!" said a happy Oryo.

"It's not fair," Tinchi sighed. "I used to be able to eat…"

"You should have thought of that before you decided to be so heartless," Romio smirked. "So… my love, it's not so easy being heartless now, is it? Ah-hah-hah-ha!"

"That's mean!" Sasami protested. "You mean you served us all this delicious food just to torture Tinchi?"

"That's right, little girl!" the Wicked Witch sneered. "Now he knows the pain I feel! He can only watch and try to remember what it was like to eat delicious pheasant, but that's not the half of it!"

"It's not?" the scarecrow asked.

"No. Now my beloved Tinchi, the handsome prince who rescued Snow White, Rapunzel, Princess Aurora, Ariel the Mermaid, and 'Overly Splendid' Oryo will have to watch helplessly as… YOU ALL DIE! Eh-HA-HA-HA-HA!" she cackled wickedly as her servant flicked the light switch on and off quickly to simulate lightning.

"You're going to kill us?" Sasami asked timidly.

"Foolish little girl, I already have!" the Wicked Witch rose from her seat to strike a triumphant pose. "Little do you all realize that the food was… POISONED! AH- HA-HA-HA-HA!" Her servant again flicked the light switch on and off quickly to create a strobe light effect.

"Ow!" Oryo stuck her finger in her ear.

"You poisoned the food?" Sasami rose from her chair in protest. "How could you?"

"Meow…!" Ryo-ohki protested.

"I thought you wouldn't do that!" the scarecrow put her gloved hands to her burlap face in horror.

"Fools!" the purple haired witch smirked. "I would never poison Halloween candy but poisoning pheasant under glass is fair game! Now my beloved Tinchi not only do you have to watch your friends enjoy a scrumptious meal, but now you have to watch them all die slowly and painfully knowing that it's all your fault!"

The servant girl coughed into her hand uncomfortably.

"What? What is it?" the Wicked Witch turned to face her servant. "Don't tell me you poisoned _my_ food too?"

"No, it's just that I didn't know I was supposed to poison any food in the first place," the maidservant said apologetically.

"Yuka," the Wicked Witch stalked over to her servant menacingly. "Didn't I tell you to make their meal _extra special_?"

"Yes," Yuka nodded nervously. "And I did. They all said the food was delicious. I thought this was the part where you try to turn some of them to evil by showing them how well the bad guys live. You know, the 'join me, and this can all be yours' speech. All the cool villains do it."

One of Romio's red eyes seemed to get a twitch. There was an awkward silence.

Sasami cleared her throat and attempted to control the damage. "Well, if it makes you feel better, we _did_ enjoy the meal."

"Oh yeah," Oryo nodded. "It was delicious."

"That's right," Tinchi added sympathetically. "For the record, I _did_ feel bad about missing out on the meal. If that helps."

Ozma snickered. "Well I'll tell you one thing. You sure do know how to entertain your guests!"

"Eh-heh-heh-heh," Romio laughed weakly before she knocked her servant down with a sucker punch. "That's it! No more Miss Nice Witch!" She stalked over to the corner of the dining room and pulled a large wooden lever.

"Aaaaaaaah!" Trapdoors opened beneath all of the dinner guests dropping them into angled shafts below. All of the dinner guests disappeared, except one.

"Hey Romio?" Ozma's voice was heard. "A little help here?"

"Huh?" the Wicked Witch of the West walked over to see her sister's huge head stuck in the trap door. "Oh yes, of course." She used her broom to push down on Ozma's head causing the redhead to disappear down the chute with an audible popping noise. "There you go." The Witch rose to her full height, struck a dramatic pose and shouted. "Now, I have you all in my power! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

_Next: In the Clutches of the Wicked Witch_


	7. In the Clutches of the Wicked Witch

_Galaxy 1001D presents: _

**The Witch of Washu**

_**Starring Sasami Masaki Jurai **_

_**Ryo-ohki **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as the Scarecrow**_

_**Tenchi Masaki as Tinchi, the Iron Farmer**_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as Oryo, the Cowardly Highwaywoman**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Ozma, the Witch of Washu**_

_**Aeka Masaki Jurai as Romio, the Wicked Witch of the West **_

_**Special Guest Star Tsunami as the Good Witch of the North**_

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. This story is written solely for entertainment and is not intended to make a profit in any way._

_Based on "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima _

_And "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" created by L. Frank Baum_

_Chapter Seven: In the Clutches of the Wicked Witch _

Sasami and the others found themselves in separate dungeon cells. The front of the cells were steel bars looking out into a hallway with flagstone tile floors. They could talk to each other, but unless they were across the hall from each other, they couldn't see each other.

"This is all my fault," Tinchi groaned.

"Ah, shaddup, Tinchi," the huge headed Ozma barked. "Nobody likes a crybaby."

"It _is_ all my fault," Tinchi insisted. "If I hadn't strung her along like I did she wouldn't be doing this now. If I would have made a choice and chosen her she wouldn't have gone totally psycho just because she turned green."

"Tinchi, you can't choose the woman you love based off how big a threat they are," Oryo scolded.

"Why not? _You_ always said that if I married someone else you'd kill me," the iron prince grumbled.

"What?" Oryo's golden eyes glistened as she took a step back. "You're right, Tinchi. I'm sorry. I see now that you've got your own problems without me making things worse. I'm sorry. I had no idea that I was like that. I'll try to be more supportive, no matter who you choose."

"Thanks Oryo," he smiled at the woman across the hall from him. "I'm glad you're being so understanding about this."

"I said that I'd _try_ to be more supportive, I didn't say that I'd _succeed_," she winked mischievously. "Decide to marry someone else, and I don't know what I'll do!"

"That would be funny if I didn't know you meant it," Tinchi sighed.

"Quiet you guys!" the scarecrow shouted. "Some one's coming!"

The wicked witch entered to gloat over her captives. "So… my pretties, how are we today? Enjoying the accommodations I trust? Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"Okay you got me," Ozma muttered. "Do with me as you will."

"Why Ozma, what do you mean by that?" Romio asked with false innocence.

"I know you blame me and our sisters for your turning green," Ozma shrugged. "Here is your chance to humiliate me and get some revenge."

"Why dear sweet Ozma, why would I do such a thing?" the Wicked Witch teased with mock sweetness. "We all know that you are more powerful than all of us put together. Why don't you just magic your way out of this cell?"

"I wanted to talk some sense into you first," Ozma said as she rested her huge head against the back wall of her cell.

"Yes, it wouldn't be because being all knowing and all powerful and being constantly surrounded by loyal subjects who tell you how great you are hasn't made your head grow to be the size of a wide screen television has it?"

"Have you been spying on me?" Ozma frowned.

"Don't lose your huge little head over it dear," Romio smirked. "Don't worry, I won't humiliate you. As a matter of fact I've got a little friend to keep you company. Say hello to little Ozma 'A'."

The Wicked Witch held up what appeared to be a little plush doll that resembled the ruler of the Emerald City. Or perhaps it was one of the late Jim Henson's 'muppets'. It was dressed in a copy of Ozma's green leprechaun jacket and had a letter 'A' sewn onto its blouse. The little plush effigy opened its puppet like mouth and said: "You are the greatest, Ozma! You are the most powerful witch in the universe! You're great! Woo-hoo!"

"You fiend!" Ozma lunged forward to reach for her sister through the bars but her enormous head stopped her before she could get her relatively short arms through. "Ouch!" she cried as she fell backwards.

"Here you go," the witched grinned as she squeezed the little plush Ozma through the bars and released it. "It's very sturdy and made of ballistic nylon. You won't be able to destroy it without using your powers!"

"You are the greatest Ozma!" it said in a high pitched stilted imitation of Ozma's nasal voice. "There's no one in the universe as great as you!"

"Shut up!" Ozma sneered as she rolled onto her front in order to push herself off the ground. With her enormous cranium, getting up from a completely prone position had become a challenge. When the little plush Ozma got too close she grabbed it and sat on it. "There!" Ozma wheezed. "Now I don't have to listen to you, you little suck-up!"

"Oh Ozma…" Romio sang.

"What?" she turned her enormous head to glare at her sister.

The smiling Romio had poked a second plush Ozma through the bars and this one had the letter 'B' sewn on its blouse. "Bye…" she sang with mocking sweetness.

"NO…!" Ozma cried.

The second plush Ozma scurried over a corner and started complimenting the huge headed witch. "You are so pretty! You're smart! Powerful! Wealthy! Brilliant!"

"Shut up!" the redhead snarled. If she got up she would release the first one so she scooted forward in an attempt to reach the second one. "Hold still you little…!"

Too late. Plushie 'B' had scurried away and was now complementing Ozma from another corner. "You have the prettiest face in the land of Washu!" it proclaimed happily. "The prettiest face in the world!"

"Shut up you little gremlin!" Ozma shouted as she scooted over to the new corner of her cell. She lunged at the little plush Ozma and caught it, but the first one got free and scurried over and squeezed outside the bars.

Once safe in the hallway, it turned and announced. "You are great, Ozma! There's no witch as great as you!"

"Aah!" the redhead screamed. "Go away!"

The Wicked Witch cackled in her high pitched, earsplitting laugh and approached Oryo and Tinchi's cells. "Tinchi my darling, are you sure you haven't made a decision about who you really love?" she asked sweetly. "Just think what a boon to your kingdom it would be if your wife could perform actual feats of magic."

"Believe me, Romio, you really don't want me to make up my mind right now," Tinchi retorted.

"What does that mean?" the green skinned witch snarled. "I know that deep down, you really love me! It's because I'm green isn't it? It's because this green skin has made me hideous!"

"No it's not that," Tinchi said wearily. "It's the 'going totally evil' thing and locking us all up and turning me into a living statue and all of that stuff. Come on, you've got to admit…"

"It's because I'm green!" the young witch sobbed. "It's because I'm this hideous green color! I've lost you forever because I'm ugly and green! Now the only way to have you is to lock you in the dungeon! Oh cruel fate! It's not fair! What did I do to deserve this?"

"You tried to poison us and then locked us in your dungeon," Oryo said from the cell behind her. "You turned Tinchi into a lump of metal too."

"I'm sorry, Oryo did you say something?" Romio sneered sarcastically.

"You listen to her and not me?" Tinchi asked wearily.

"Darn right I did!" Oryo snarled. "What's the big idea locking me up? You think this is going to get me out of the way? Open this cell and I'll wrap your butt around your neck and give you an extra pair of shoulders!"

"I don't see why you're complaining," the Wicked Witch sniffed arrogantly. "You've committed more crimes than Billy the Kid. Behind bars is exactly where you belong. I'll give you your phone call if you are _really_ polite but until then you can just rot in there. Heh-heh-heh."

"Open this door you miserable string bean!" Oryo growled. "Open this door or I'll rip your fake eyelashes out and ram my hand so far up your butt you'll be able to taste my knuckles!"

"Well, I'll have to think about it," the purple haired witch put her finger to her mouth and made a big show of concentrating.

"Knock it off, you're just going to say no," Oryo grumbled.

"I might not. I'm mulling it over," the red eyed witch assured her.

"You're just going to say no," Oryo muttered.

"Let me think about it," Romio murmured. "Yeh… no!" She smirked childishly at her rival. "I've got you right where I want you now. No sense rocking the boat. Ee-hee-hee-ha-heh!" The Wicked Witch walked over to face the scarecrow's cell. "Um… who are you again? I don't remember making any revenge plans for _you_."

"Oh, I'm Mihoshi," the scarecrow informed her. "I'm a scarecrow. I lived in a cornfield all my life until Sasami here gave me a name and invited me to go see the Witch of Washu. How do you do?"

"Um… great," the black clad witch was somewhat taken back by the scarecrow's nonchalant demeanor. "Uh, if I need a scarecrow in my garden I'll let you know."

"Okay," the scarecrow nodded. "Good luck with your revenge and all."

"Thanks," Romio turned to the cell with Sasami and Ryo-ohki as she rolled her crimson eyes. "Now then, my pretty, we have unfinished business don't we? Are you going to hand over those ruby slippers?"

"They won't come off," Sasami crossed her arms.

"What?" the purple haired witch blinked. "Don't be ridiculous!"

"I'm not joking, they don't come off!" Sasami frowned.

"So… you won't part with the slippers, eh my pretty?" the Wicked Witch sneered. "Very well. We'll see if a little hard labor makes you more cooperative!" She snapped her fingers and the door to her cell swung open. "Try to escape and I'll eliminate one of your little friends! In the meantime I'll work your fingers to the bone! Now get out here!"

"Okay," Sasami said timidly.

"That will teach you not to give me the ruby slippers," Romio grumbled.

"You have a hearing problem don't you?" Oryo said. "She said that they don't come off! What are you, deaf or stupid?"

"She never _was_ a good listener," the Witch of Washu added.

* * *

The Wicked Witch escorted Sasami upstairs. "I want the entire place swept and mopped, and then you can start cooking dinner," she sniffed. "We'll see how comfortable those slippers are when you work your fingers to the bone! In the meantime I have to devise an appropriate torture for the others. You dropped in so unexpectantly that I didn't have anything prepared."

"You said you wouldn't hurt them if I didn't try to escape!" Sasami protested with a tear in her eye.

"Did I?" the Wicked Witch asked with exaggerated innocence. "I'm sorry." She struck a melodramatic pose and said in a deep voice. "I have altered the bargain. Pray I don't alter it further." She then assumed a normal stance and spoke in her standard ear-piercingly high voice. "I only said that I wouldn't eliminate them. I never said that I wouldn't torment them. That was the whole point of capturing them in the first place."

"No wonder they call you 'the Wicked Witch of the West'." Sasami frowned.

"Don't call me that!" the witch pointed a green finger at Sasami in warning. "Don't ever call me that! I am not 'wicked'! I am misunderstood! It's not my fault that I'm this hideous green color!"

"Being green doesn't excuse you for being a meanie!" Sasami insisted childishly.

"Well being a child doesn't excuse you for being impertinent!" the purple-haired witch snarled back. "Now get this place cleaned up or you won't have any supper! Get to work!" The witch snapped her fingers and a closet door opened. A broom and a dust pan floated out of the closet and over to Sasami. "Just remember, no handsome prince is going to rescue you, my pretty, because I've got Prince Charming locked up in the dungeon, and besides, you're not a princess anyway!"

"But I _am_ a princess," Sasami corrected her. "I'm the second princess of Jurai."

"What?" the witch gasped in surprise then growled in frustration. "Grr… Well that doesn't mean anything! I want those floors clean young lady! I'll be back to check on your progress so don't try anything clever!" the witch warned as she left the room. She slammed the door as she left.

"Oh well, Ryo-ohki, we might as well get to work," the little princess sighed. She started sweeping the floors while the toddler sized Ryo-ohki held her dustpan.

* * *

Eventually they entered the study where the Wicked Witch kept her huge crystal ball. "Look Ryo-ohki!" Sasami pointed at the large transparent sphere. "A crystal ball! Let's see if it will show us anything!" The two alien children trotted over to it. "Oh crystal ball, show us… my sister Ayeka! Show us home!"

Appearing in the crystal ball was the image of the first princess of Jurai. A lump formed in Sasami's throat when she saw her sister looking around shouting: "Sasami? Sasami where are you? Where are you sister? Please come back!"

"I'm right here, Ayeka!" Sasami said with a teary eye. "I'm right here! Sister Ayeka! I'm right here! Contact Washu and get us out of here! Sister Ayeka!"

The image of Ayeka changed to be replaced by an image of Romio, the Wicked Witch of the West. Actually, aside of the clothing and the skin color there wasn't much difference, but Ayeka's dulcet birdlike tones changed into the Witch's harsh shriek. "'Sister Ayeka!' 'Sister Ayeka!'" the witch taunted. "Give it up, my pretty! You will never see your beloved sister again! Yee-ah-ha-ha-ha!"

"No…!" Sasami backed away from the crystal ball in fear. It was all a trick. The Wicked Witch had allowed her a glimpse of home just to taunt her and teach her that there was no escape!

_Next: What a World_


	8. What a World

_Galaxy 1001D presents: _

**The Witch of Washu**

_**Starring Sasami Masaki Jurai **_

_**Ryo-ohki **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as the Scarecrow**_

_**Tenchi Masaki as Tinchi, the Iron Farmer**_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as Oryo, the Cowardly Highwaywoman**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Ozma, the Witch of Washu**_

_**Aeka Masaki Jurai as Romio, the Wicked Witch of the West **_

_**Special Guest Star Tsunami as the Good Witch of the North**_

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. This story is written solely for entertainment and is not intended to make a profit in any way._

_Based on "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima _

_And "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" created by L. Frank Baum_

_Chapter Eight: What a World… _

While Sasami was sweeping the haunted castle the Wicked Witch called home, the others were in the dungeon passing the time.

"You are the greatest, Ozma!" a little plush Ozma chirped.

"You know that is getting _real _annoying!" Oryo shouted.

"Don't I know it!" the Witch of Washu agreed. "But I can't shut it up. It squeezed itself through the bars! I can't reach the little gremlin!"

"Hey, Ozma!" the scarecrow said as she pressed herself against the bars to talk to the others. "Say that again!"

"'I can't reach the little gremlin'?" the redhead asked.

"No-no, before that," the scarecrow said.

"'Mommy, I made a boo-boo'?" the Witch of Washu tried.

"Um, I think something more recent," the scarecrow suggested. "Not so far back."

"Sorry, Mihoshi, I can barely hear you over here," Ozma shrugged.

"Just a minute. Let me try something," the scarecrow pressed her blonde-wigged canvas sack head against the bars. Not having a skull, her head squished in and squeezed through. The scarecrow then turned sideways and pushed her shoulders through and wriggled and shimmied until her arms were outside of her cell. It was then a simple matter to pull her legs through.

Now free of the prison cell, the scarecrow walked past Tinchi and Oryo's cells to Ozma's cell. "Okay," the scarecrow said as she leaned against the bars to talk to the Witch of Washu. "Now what was that part after you said you can't shut it up?"

"'It squeezed itself through the bars'," Ozma said dryly.

"That's it!" the scarecrow snapped her gloved fingers. "The little plush toy could squish through the bars! I'm like a giant plush toy! I could try squishing through bars and try to get a key to rescue you guys!"

"It sounds like a long shot," the redhead said sarcastically, "but give it a try."

"Okay!" the scarecrow put a leg through the bars. "Just let me squeeze in here…"

"Mihoshi, you idiot!" Ozma snapped. "You've _already_ squeezed through the bars! Just find us a key to open the rest of the doors!"

"Oh!" the scarecrow blushed. "Right. Got it!"

"We're gonna die down here aren't we?" the cyan-haired highwaywoman sighed. "We're never getting out."

* * *

Upstairs the Wicked Witch sat at her large dining table. "What's taking so long?" she hollered. "I better see my dinner in two minutes or one of your little friends downstairs is going to get it!"

"Coming!" Sasami said as she rushed out with the first course. Ryo-ohki was perched in cabbit form atop her head.

"What is this stuff?" the purple haired witch gasped.

"What's the matter?" Sasami sweated nervously. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, it's just that I usually don't eat Japanese food," the Wicked Witch explained as she gestured as her European style furnishings.

"Oh," Sasami said. "That was why it was hard to find the miso. I had to make it myself by fermenting soybeans."

"Oh… that's nice… little girl," said a surprised Wicked Witch. "I didn't expect you to make that extra effort."

"It's nothing," Sasami said. "How is it?"

"Well I don't normally like Japanese food," the Wicked Witch took a taste and smiled. "Why it's delicious! You're a really good cook, you could be a professional chef!" she gushed.

"Aw shucks!" Sasami blushed and giggled. Ryo-ohki laughed too in a strange meowing kitty-cat way.

"What a sweet little girl you are," the evil witch beamed, a tear in her eye. She coughed with embarrassment and cleared her throat. "Now go mop the floors!" she said harshly, as she attempted to get back into character.

"But I've already cleaned the floors," Sasami insisted.

"What?" the black clad witch gasped. "_All_ of them?"

"Yes, all of them," Sasami nodded.

"This is impossible," Romio extended her hand and her large crystal ball floated into the room to rest on the dining table. "It's true! All of the floors are sparkling clean! Are you sure you didn't have help?"

"Well, Ryo-ohki helped a little," Sasami admitted.

"Mew," the cabbit nodded from atop her head.

The witch glanced at the cabbit skeptically. "Do you always work this hard?"

"Oh yes," Sasami nodded. "I live with a lot of roommates."

"So did Cinderella," the witch pointed out, "and Tinchi had to rescue her and prove that she was the rightful heir to her father's estate. Are you sure you want to go back little girl?"

"Oh yes," Sasami nodded carefully. (She had Ryo-ohki balanced on her head.) "I really do. They need me back there."

* * *

Meanwhile back in the Okayama prefecture of Japan…

"So… weak…" Ryoko moaned as she lay on the floor. "Can't eat Noike's cooking, or that Mary Sue will prove that she's better than all of us… Tenchi… won't… cook… Starving… to death…"

"You do realize that as long as you draw power from the gem on your wrist that it's impossible for you to starve to death don't you?" Washu nagged.

"Okay," Ryoko sighed as she got up off the ground and dusted herself off. "So much for my hunger strike to make her leave."

"So… weak…" Ayeka moaned as she lay on the ground.

* * *

"Hm," the witch frowned in thought. "You're going to be a tough nut to crack…" She took another bite of her meal. "It's hard to be evil when enjoying such tasty food," she sighed dreamily.

"Excuse me," the scarecrow said as she trotted into the room. "May I please borrow the key to the dungeon cells?"

"What?" the Wicked Witch looked back at the plushy blonde. "What for?"

"So I can uh… clean the inside of the prison cells," the scarecrow stammered as she wracked the straw inside her burlap sack of a head for a good reason. "The others have been complaining."

"They have?" the purple haired witch snarled. "How dare they! Sasami! Come here, my pretty!"

"Yes your witchiness?" the child asked.

"Here's the key to the dungeon cells," the Wicked Witch fished a large brass key out of her clothing and handed it to the confused child. "Clean them out when you're done with the floor."

"But the floor isn't dirty," Sasami said.

The witch tossed a bowl of food on the floor. "Now it is," she said coldly. "After your done picking it up, go get the mop. I want that floor spotless! Or are you willing to give me the ruby slippers?"

"I told you, I can't take them off!" Sasami protested.

"Then use their power to break my curse!" the witch snapped.

"I don't know how," Sasami whined. "Do they come with an instruction book or…"

"Just start cleaning up!" Romio ordered. "Before I turn you and all of your friends into toads!"

"Can I have the key in the meantime?" asked the scarecrow.

"Sure Mihoshi," Sasami said as she handed the key to the blonde. "I have to pick up the floor anyhow."

"Thank you!" the scarecrow chirped before she made a hasty exit.

* * *

Soon the scarecrow was back in the dungeon corridor opening the cell doors.

"Wow, I take it back, Mihoshi," Oryo said in surprise. "You can be pretty clever when you want to be!"

"Thanks Oryo," the scarecrow smiled. "Sometimes it pays to say 'please' and 'thank you'!"

"Okay, let's go rescue Sasami," Tinchi said. "Romio's gone off her rocker this time! Who knows what she'll do?"

"Uh, guys?" the Witch of Washu said as she tried to squeeze her enormous head through the narrow cell door. "A little help?"

"Why don't you just magic your way through the door?" Oryo asked.

"Because if I rescue _myself_ I'd have a big head," Ozma replied. "In order to shrink this oversized melon, I need humility. Humiliation will do in a pinch."

"You sure are getting plenty of that," Oryo commented as the scarecrow seized Ozma's legs and pulled with all her might in an attempt to get the redhead out of the cell.

* * *

Upstairs Sasami had fetched the mop bucket. "Okay, I'm back!" she announced.

"Good now be careful with that," Romio nagged. "You know how I feel about water!"

"You mean the part where water can destroy you?" Sasami asked.

"Yes, that's it," Romio nodded. "Don't forget it."

"Yes, ma'am," she sighed as she started mopping the floor.

At that moment, the door burst open. "Princess Sasami!" Tinchi cried. "I've come to save you!"

"No you don't!" Oryo knocked him down by pushing on his back with her foot. "You've saved enough princesses already, Prince Charming!" the former model turned highwaywoman declared as she bent over to pick up his rapier. "From now on, if anybody is going to rescue a princess, _I'll_ do it!"

"Oryo!" Tinchi protested as he rose to his feet. "Give me back my sword. A girl's life is at stake. I've rescued a lot more princesses than you have and I know what I'm doing!"

"I know what you're doing," Oryo sneered. "You're adding another girl to the pile of those who want to marry you! No thanks! I don't need any more competition!"

"So… my pretty..." Romio sneered melodramatically. "That was your plan. You thought you'd distract me until they escaped and came to get you, but it won't work! You'll pay for trying to trick me!"

"I'm just trying to mop the floor and get home to Okayama!" Sasami protested.

"Meow!" Ryo-ohki nodded.

"Well watch _this_, little girl!" the witch extended her hands and a bolt of lightning shout out from Romio to hit Tinchi.

"Ah!" Tinchi's metal body morphed from an iron boy to a peach colored horse with a black mane. "What's happening to me?"

"Now you really are my studded stallion, my prince!" the Wicked Witch crowed. "And Oryo, as for you…"

"Yah!" Oryo leaped over Tinchi, did a somersault in the air and landed on the Wicked Witch of the West feet first. A lightning bolt shot out of Romio's hand to bounce off the mirrored ceiling and hit the horse again.

"What?" Tinchi's form changed again. He was now a life sized Raggedy Ann doll with black yarn for hair instead of red, and he even had two oversized dark brown buttons for eyes. "What's happening to me?"

"Wow!" the scarecrow exclaimed as she stuck her head in the room. "You sure look cute! Are you doing anything later?"

"Get out of the field of fire, you dummy!" Ozma's nasal Washu-like voice ordered from out in the hall.

As Sasami and Ryo-ohki hid under the table, Oryo and Romio battled, Oryo armed with Tinchi's sword, the Witch using her seemingly indestructible broom. Romio pushed Oryo away and used one hand to fire a lightning bolt. The cyan-haired bandit quickly used a silver platter as a shield and the bolt of energy bounced off to ricochet around the room until it hit… Tinchi again.

Tinchi looked down at his metal hands. "Hey, I'm made of iron again!" he smiled. "Hooray!" he jumped up and down. "I'm made of iron! I'm made of iron! I'm…" he paused as realization set in. "Made of iron…" he mumbled in disappointment.

"Now I've got you, Oryo!" The witch sneered as she put the bristles in Oryo's face. Suddenly, the bristles burst into flame. "When I'm through with you, you'll be so hideously disfigured, you won't get a modeling job at the freak show!"

"Now wait!" gasped a frightened Oryo.

"Romio stop!" Tinchi pleaded. "You don't want to do this!"

Romio stood up straight and placed the tip of her broomstick on the ground, the burning bristles at eye level like some great torch. "I do a lot of things I don't want to do, Tinchi. That's because nobody loves me!"

"But there's something you've got to know!" Sasami cried as she came out from under the table.

"What?" Romio sneered. "'You have to love yourself before others will love you'? Don't give me that hogwash!"

"No!" Sasami shook her head as she pointed at Romio's head. "Your hat is on fire!"

"What?" It was true. Romio's black witch hat had a wide brim that had caught fire from the flames coming from her broom. "Aaah!" Romio clawed at her hat as she danced around the room. "Put it out! Put it out!"

"Couldn't happen to a nicer witch," Oryo smirked as she rose to her feet.

"I'll save you! Hold still!" Seizing her mop bucket with both hands, Sasami threw the contents at Romio's head.

"Aaaah!" the Wicked Witch screamed as she clawed at her face with her hands. "Stupid girl! Didn't you remember that cleansing water will destroy me? Oh what a world, that I could be destroyed by a slip of a girl… I'm melting! Melting! Melting!"

Sasami gasped in horror Romio started melting right before her eyes. The curse was real! Cleansing water was the end of the green witch.

_Next: There's No Place Like Home_


	9. There's No Place Like Home

**The Witch of Washu**

_**Starring Sasami Masaki Jurai **_

_**Ryo-ohki **_

_**Mihoshi Kuramitsu as the Scarecrow**_

_**Tenchi Masaki as Tinchi, the Iron Farmer**_

_**Ryoko Hakubi as Oryo, the Cowardly Highwaywoman**_

_**Washu Hakubi as Ozma, the Witch of Washu**_

_**Aeka Masaki Jurai as Romio, the Wicked Witch of the West **_

_**Guest Starring Sakuyka Kumashiro as Snow White**_

_**Special Guest Star Tsunami as the Good Witch of the North**_

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. This story is written solely for entertainment and is not intended to make a profit in any way._

_Based on "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima _

_And "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" created by L. Frank Baum_

_Chapter Nine: There's No Place Like Home _

Gasping in horror, Sasami could only watch as green rivulets trickled down from the face and hands of the Wicked Witch of the West. "I-I-I… I am _so_ sorry…" she stammered.

"What a world… What a world…" Romio sniveled. "It's the end… I'm dying… dying… dying! It's just not fair!"

"So hurry up and die already!" Oryo barked.

"Come on Mihoshi," the carrot topped Ozma said as she and the scarecrow entered the room. "Romio thinks she's dying. We don't want to miss this!"

"What's happening?" Romio looked up from her hands. "Why aren't I dead?"

"Is that… normal skin color I see under all that green?" Tinchi squinted suspiciously.

"What?" Romio rubbed on her hands. "You're right! The green is coming off! I'm regular skin color underneath!"

"Ha-ha-ha-ha!" the redheaded Ozma laughed cruelly.

"Do you mean to tell me that I could have simply washed this green off me at any time?" gasped an indignant Romio.

"That's right!" Ozma cackled. "'Cleansing water will be the end of the green witch!' It sure will be, 'cause then you'd realize that you could wash that green off and look normal again! Ramia just added the part about the shoes as a red herring!"

"But… but…" Romio protested. "That means… that I was horribly evil for no reason! All of the people I've lashed out at! All of the people I terrified! And all this time I could have taken a bath and changed back to my creamy skinned beautiful self?"

"That's right!" Ozma snickered again. "All this time you thought you were stuck being green and the whole time you could have taken a bath!"

"B-but why?" A teary eyed Romio asked. "Why did you let me think that I was ugly and green and let me do all those horrible things?"

"Because it was funny!" Ozma chortled before she fell on her back. "Ah-ha-ha-ha!"

* * *

Meanwhile underneath Tenchi's house in the land of the Munchkins, a woman's laughter could be heard.

* * *

Back in the lair of the Wicked Witch of the West the doors to the balcony opened and Tsunami, the Good Witch of the North floated into the room. "So you see, dear sister, you were always beautiful inside. It was the way you thought other people perceived you that made you ugly, not the color of your skin. All you had to do was accept yourself as who you are and not get caught up in how you look…"

"Says the beauty contest winner here," Oryo grumbled and crossed her arms. "You look pretty hot for a gal who says that looks don't matter."

"Sorry, but I was in a hurry," Tsunami blushed girlishly. "I didn't have time to put on my makeup today."

"You look that good _without_ makeup?" Oryo's golden eyes bulged in horror. "The rest of us don't have a chance!"

"You!" Romio growled. "You're all laughing at me! This was all a trick to keep me and Tinchi apart by turning me into the Wicked Witch of the West! I'm going to get back at you all! I'm going to…"

"But if the plan was to make you wicked, doesn't it make them win if you stay that way?" Sasami asked her.

"You're right little girl," Romio nodded curtly. "That's exactly what they want me to do! I'll show them! I'll be the nicest witch in the land! I'll become the Wonderful Witch of the West and everybody will love me and they'll all be jealous!"

"That's the spirit," Sasami murmured timidly.

"Yuka!" Romio bellowed. "Warm up the Turkish bath! We're all going to get cleaned up and then we'll celebrate!"

Romio's young servant girl appeared at the doorway. "You're taking a _bath_?" she asked in disbelief. "What happened? Have you finally decided to end it all? If you're going to kill yourself, can I have big screen television?"

The purple haired witch punched her servant in the chin, causing Yuka to fall to the floor with a loud thud.

* * *

Soon all of the girls were in a large swimming pool sized bath scrubbing Romio down. "Gosh! This is hard to get out!" Sasami grunted as she rubbed a sponge on the Witch's foot.

"I'm getting soggy," the scarecrow complained.

"I'll fix that," Romio nodded regally. "It will be the first good deed of the all-new me! Alakazam! Azarak Metron Zinthos!"

A bolt of energy transformed the scarecrow into the form of the Mihoshi back in Japan that Sasami knew and loved. The scarecrow looked just like the Galaxy Police officer, or at least she would if Mihoshi Kuramitsu was made of plastic and had no sexual organs. "Oh boy!" the former scarecrow gushed. "Just look at me! I'm beautiful! I'm no longer a scarecrow; I'm now a department store mannequin! Instead of scaring away crows I can get a job modeling clothing!"

"Why didn't you change the scarecrow into a human being?" Oryo asked as she worked on getting the green out from between Romio's fingers.

"Do you really think that we need any more competition?" Romio asked seriously. "Besides, she seems perfectly happy being made of plastic."

"What about Tinchi?" Oryo asked.

"Oh yes, that's right," Romio shrugged self-consciously. She cleared her throat noisily. "Power to witchcraft, metal to flesh, oil to blood and sinew from wire mesh! Let Prince Tinchi heart beat true and turn him from steel and iron to flesh and blood, too!" She looked at Oryo skeptically. "There, the curse is broken. You happy?"

"You bet!" Oryo rubbed her hands together fiendishly. "I can't wait to get him reacquainted with the sins of the flesh!"

"Hey!" Romio snapped. "Don't you dare! Tinchi's got enough problems without you harassing him you know!"

"That's right," Ozma winked as she let her enormous head float in the large pool. "He's got _you_ harassing him also."

"I will _not_ harass him!" Romio protested. "You forget that I'm not wicked anymore. 'Winsome' maybe, but not wicked! If he chooses some other woman I'm not going to go completely ballistic and make his life a living hell!"

Oryo, Ozma, Sasami and Tsunami gave her skeptical looks. Even the mannequin who used to be a scarecrow looked doubtful.

"Fine," the purple-haired witch sighed. "If he chooses one of the ladies _in this room_ I won't go completely ballistic and make his life a living hell, satisfied?"

Oryo, Ozma, Sasami and Tsunami thought for a moment before giving each other satisfied nods. That statement _was_ almost believable.

"Oh good!" the blonde mannequin who called herself 'Mihoshi' gushed. "Can you turn me human so I can be in the running also? Prince Charming is awfully cute!"

"Don't push your luck," Romio muttered through clenched teeth. "Oh my," she added. "I hope I did the right thing breaking his curse while he's out of the room like this. I should have done it right in front of him. I'd be able to make a big show of it and he'd be ever so grateful…" The purple haired witch got a dreamy look on her face.

"Don't worry about it," Oryo snickered. "It's not as if he's going to run off with someone else while you're still in the bath or something!"

* * *

At that moment, in the front parlor of Romio's castle, Prince Tinchi Romeo Charming appeared as a human teenage boy who was the spitting image of Tenchi Masaki, only he was dressed in a colorful outfit appropriate for a 'Three Musketeers' movie. While Romio's servants were taking down the Halloween decorations he just stared at his pink flesh and blood hands in disbelief. "I'm human…" he murmured. "I'm actually human…" A tear escaped his eye. "It's a miracle!"

"Tinchi?" a soft feminine voice called from the front door. Standing in the doorway was a slender teenage girl whose hair was as black as night, whose skin was white as snow, and whose lips were as red as blood. She was dressed in a blue short sleeved blouse with poofy shoulders and a high white collar, a full yellow skirt and a red cape that matched the crimson bowed barrette in her hair. And she looked exactly like Sakuya Kumashiro from _Tenchi in Tokyo_.

"Snow?" Tinchi whispered in disbelief. "Snow White? How did you find me?"

"I… I heard that the Wicked Witch of the West c-cast a spell on you…" she said sadly. "I thought… Love's first kiss might break the spell. I was the first princess you rescued Tinchi, and I thought that a kiss from me might do the trick. But I guess you don't need me…"

"No!" Tinchi cried as he dashed over to her. "Don't say that, Snow! It's my fault all of this happened! I should have just stayed with the first princess I rescued instead of saving all the others! I wouldn't blame you if you hated me forever!"

"T-Tinchi… I don't hate you…" Snow White said with tear-filled eyes. She blushed and looked away. "Quite the opposite, really," she mumbled. Shyly, she extended her hand. Prince Charming took her hand and hugged her in a passionate embrace. Soft music played as they kissed. Then arm and arm they walked out the door and into a bright future.

* * *

Back in the swimming pool sized bath Oryo shrugged nonchalantly. "What's the worst that can happen?"

"This is all very nice," Sasami complained, "but how do I get home?"

"Oh, I looked into that," Tsunami said brightly. "It turns out that little Ryo-ohki can turn into a spaceship."

"A spaceship?" the former scarecrow repeated. "Like… from Mars?"

"You mean you could have returned home at _any time_?" Oryo sneered. "And I felt so sorry for you, too!"

"That's right!" Sasami blushed. "Ryo-ohki's a spaceship! I guess I forgot! I don't think of her that way…" She glanced over at the embarrassed cabbit that was standing at the edge of the pool. "Why did _you_ forget?"

Ryo-ohki blushed and gave an embarrassed laugh.

"In addition, she has a telepathic link with her pilot," Tsunami continued. "So if her pilot is in Okayama, she should be able to lock on and fly right back there!"

Sasami and Ryo-ohki laughed self-consciously.

* * *

Soon the girls were waving at a brown spiky spaceship as it disappeared into the sky. In the control room of the spaceship, Sasami was surrounded by floating crystals. "Okay, Ryo-ohki, take us home!" she said. "Wherever Ryoko is, that's where everybody else is! They must be worried about us. Let's go! Maximum Speed! There's no place like home!"

The control room meowed and the spaceship shot through the sky. Unfortunately, without a pilot, the immature spaceship forgot to activate her inertial dampeners. Sasami screamed as the momentum lifted her of her feet and slammed her against the back wall.

* * *

When Sasami awoke, she was lying in bed and a group of familiar faces were huddled around her. "There's no place like home…" she mumbled weakly.

"She's waking up," Tenchi announced.

"Oh thank heavens!" Ayeka gasped as she hugged her little sister. "Sasami! Speak to me! It's me! Ayeka! Do you know who I am? It's your sister, Ayeka!"

"I… Ayeka," Sasami muttered as she touched the surgical gauze wrapped around her head. "Where… where am I?" She sat up, suddenly alert. "I'm home! Did Washu rebuild the house again? It looks just like before…"

"Give her some room," Washu ordered as she approached wearing an archaic nurse's uniform. "I'd like to check her pupils and see if they're dilated."

"You gave us all a quite a scare!" Mihoshi scolded good-naturedly.

"For a while we thought we'd lost you," added the green haired Noike.

"And it's all your fault!" Ryoko nagged as she shook a cabbit-sized Ryo-ohki. "You should have been looking out for Sasami!"

"Meow," the little cabbit protested.

"I… I was in the land of Washu!" Sasami cried as she broke away from Washu to face the others. "Tenchi! There was a metal robot who looked like you, and Mihoshi, there was a scarecrow that looked like you, and a Ryoko, there was a robber that looked like you…" The little princess frowned. "Hey… wait a minute! I didn't go anywhere at all did I? I just hit my head during the hurricane and the whole thing was just some dumb dream wasn't it? I was watching _The Wizard of Oz_ when the hurricane hit!"

"Now Sasami…" Ayeka gently warned. "Just try to relax. You've got to calm down. You're still hurt from your accident!"

"And Ayeka!" Sasami rolled her bubblegum pink eyes. "I don't even _want_ to tell you wwhich character looked like you! Let's just say that green isn't your color." She opened her blankets and moved her feet to the floor. "Well, I better get out of bed and…" her voice trailed off as she stared at her feet. On them were two garish apple red shoes!

"Oh yeah," Washu nodded. "I've been meaning to ask you about those. How _do_ you get those shoes off anyhow?"

"Ooh," Sasami's rolled her eyes as she laid backwards in a swoon.

END


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